tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post3396568471086319318..comments2023-10-10T05:17:55.737-07:00Comments on Crushed By Ingsoc: Love Between Adults- Memories for LifeCrushedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02479751225625007588noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-62908149331998815162009-01-28T14:18:00.000-08:002009-01-28T14:18:00.000-08:00I don't understand why you are so obsessed about g...I don't understand why you are so obsessed about getting stuck in a relationship you're not even in yet. You're panicked to the point if declaring that no one should be monogamous to justify you not entering any relationship with an expectation of monogamy. My god, why so tense? Do you really think every woman is just waiting with a ball and shackle to clasp on your ankle when you're not looking? Good grief. <br><br>Personally, I think it should be more difficult to get married than it is. Of course, I've no clue what the criteria ought to be and would be hestitant to make blanket rules for such a thing. <br><br>I dunno. My husband and I just kind of fell into living together, then got married because we wanted to. I don't really sit around thinking "he's the one" or "soulmate" shit. No doubt we are in a committed, loving relationship that I don't see an end to. <br><br>I think you need to relax a little and let whatever happens happens. Never say never. All your protestations sound like you're scared to death, though.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-18641083151489899792009-01-28T14:58:00.000-08:002009-01-28T14:58:00.000-08:00Viccy is right Crushed. For Gods sake lighten up ...Viccy is right Crushed. For Gods sake lighten up man!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-11334080778341995392009-01-28T15:46:00.000-08:002009-01-28T15:46:00.000-08:00The main point I like in this article is that the ...The main point I like in this article is that the love that lasts for about a week is the same as the love that lasts for 3 years. I think that's true, and people should think like that more often.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-64377259145009456102009-01-28T18:39:00.000-08:002009-01-28T18:39:00.000-08:00What you're talking about is close to what we have...What you're talking about is close to what we have told our children. (Completely opposite of what our parents told us.) We don't want our kids to marry right away. We've encouraged them to date for a good long while. Be independant and fulfill their lives with their own successes. If they feel like they are truly wanting to spend their lives with someone, then live together first. Lots of people are great fun to date and suck to live with, let alone promise your life to. My husband and I have been married 24 years. We have an agreement, when we don't love each other anymore, we split. So far, so good. <br>Thank you for your kindness, Crushed.<br>:)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-74246393171557307412009-01-28T20:33:00.000-08:002009-01-28T20:33:00.000-08:00I'm not sure what to say about this article, for m...I'm not sure what to say about this article, for me, you've said all this before and I do see where you are coming from.<br>But then I look at my parents, and their friends, who have been married for over thirty years. They are together and they are happy - maybe not passionately so - but they have a bond and a companionship that would NOT be there if one of them had said to the other, "You know, I'm not sure we're going to be together next month so lets just enjoy this while it lasts"<br>There is the romantic love, and that is worth hanging onto, I think.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-50877469375276306092009-01-28T21:25:00.000-08:002009-01-28T21:25:00.000-08:00I think one of the reasons marriages don't last is...I think one of the reasons marriages don't last is that people expect to have those intense, glorious feelings of the first flush to last for ever. When they evolve into different, less intense feelings they decide to look for that again elsewhere instead of evolving into a different kind of relationship which has its own rewards. <br><br>That's why I have always thought it is very important to marry someone who can be your best friend as well as your lover. Besides better the devil you know... -:)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-25430376434732465262009-01-28T23:35:00.000-08:002009-01-28T23:35:00.000-08:00Not true. I have it, I have true love. My first ma...Not true. I have it, I have true love. <br><br>My first marriage lasted 20 years and when it got unbearable, we divorced. <br><br>I thought, that's it, never again. A year later, I met the most wonderful man and 4 years later, it's even better.<br><br>You just have to be lucky!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-38879474816315680222009-01-29T01:14:00.000-08:002009-01-29T01:14:00.000-08:00Crushed, What is your problem? No one can sustain ...Crushed, What is your problem? <br><br>No one can sustain the hormonal imbalance that first falling in love brings. It would kill you I figure, at least your mouth would get stuck grinning.<br><br>Marriage is about love in the steady sense, about sex, about alliance and consideration and combining resources, maybe raising kids.<br><br>Having someone who has got your back.<br><br>It is not some elaborate mouse trap. It is not that difficult to get out of these days either.<br><br>I figure Vicariousrising has nailed you on this one. Busted!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-18518138385957542442009-01-29T05:48:00.000-08:002009-01-29T05:48:00.000-08:00I do agree with Moggs. That initial passion will a...I do agree with Moggs. <br><br>That initial passion will always fade quickly, but that isn't love. Love grows with time and familiarity. <br><br>It's knowing what your partner is thinking without asking. It's cuddling together watching a movie without having to speak. It's that warm glow you get when you share a special moment. <br><br>It's the pain you feel when you are separated for too long.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-26146643257535033332009-01-29T12:58:00.000-08:002009-01-29T12:58:00.000-08:00Vicarious Rising- I think I was more looking back ...Vicarious Rising- I think I was more looking back on ones that were.<br><br>But yes, I think it does happen that too many people take the 'ball and shackle' aspect too seriously.<br>I've been in 'relationships', so called where it started well; they were content with what time you gave them, they didn't feel entitled to anything, it was all just fun weekends, romantic meals, in depth conversations about philosophy, sharing points of view, great sex, much tenderness and intimacy, not a care in the world.<br><br>But then it changes. Then they start thinking they're ENITLED to things from you. And they don't realise just how BORING they've become.<br>And I think it's the 'commitment' that causes that. They think they don't have to make an effort any more because they're 'entitled' to something.<br>That's my issue.<br><br>People shouldn't come to expect things, they should keep treating it as they did at the start.<br>One day at a time.<br><br>Well, you describe how it should be. It happens because it happens, and not because it was forced in any way. That's the problem. People force things.<br><br>Like when couples argue. To be honest, most often I think one should just walk away.<br><br>I guess I've been bitten a lot. :)<br><br>Mutley- I actually thought that was quite a positive post :)<br><br>Akai- It's right. I don't think we should see it as having rules on time. People try to make too many silly rules for it. Sopmetimes something can only be fleeting, and it might actually do more harm than good if it went on to long, but kept to what it should be, it becomes something you'll never forget that changed your life for the better.<br><br>Sweet Cheeks- Well, yes. I learned that the hard way.<br><br>I freely admit, I'm not easy to live with, not in that sense. I like to be the master in my own home too much. And therefore most times I've lived with a woman we've fought cat and dog.<br><br>I think to be honest, I'm far better fling material.<br><br>Yes, I think when it has died naturally, no point in carrying it's carcass.<br><br>One of my cousins tried to get out of the wedding the night before. Her family pretty much guarded her that night to stop her going. So she did marry, but from what I heaer the marriage was never consummated and they are now separated, though not divorced. I think you still can't get divorced there.<br><br>Kate- Yes, but it's not always so feasible in this day and age. Our lives are more complicated.<br>Take my Mum and Dad. In those days, it was viable for my Dad to go to work and provide for my Mum as well so she only need work part time. She didn't wanmt a career. So she could always go with him everytime he needed to move.<br><br>Today, we work longer hours and are always having to change our lives. People's careers and other things mean that sometimes, things really CAN'T last.<br><br>I mean, I could meet someone tomorrow. Right now it could fit in to my life ok. And obv, it would fit into hers. But what happens if my job changes? Or hers does?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-3572932483199155402009-01-29T13:09:00.000-08:002009-01-29T13:09:00.000-08:00jmb- I guess that's me. Yes, I guess I always want...jmb- I guess that's me. Yes, I guess I always want that intense excitement.<br><br>But I don't see why that's wrong. Why can't you still find that anew and still keep the friendship from before? And you can, of course you can.<br>I know people who stay friends after the fling is over. Or even if it lasts years.<br><br>I guess I do want to have all worlds. <br>But I don't really see why we can't.<br><br>Sue- I guess you do have to be lucky.<br><br>'It's knowing what your partner is thinking without asking. It's cuddling together watching a movie without having to speak. It's that warm glow you get when you share a special moment.'<br><br>Yes, i know that feeling. And yes, it does hurt when you lose them.<br><br>Moggs- It would kill you? A beautiful way to gom though...<br><br>Nothing beats that first buzz of just dancing in the exhileration of really clicking with someone. When they are your world and they give you goosebumps.<br><br>And hey, even the joy of a one night encounter with someone truly amazing.<br><br>I really wonder if that's something I really could ever know would never happen to me again.<br><br>Do you remember in Friends just before Monica is about to get married she suddenly says 'Oh my God I'm never going to have sex with anyone else ahain'.<br><br>That really made me think you know. Because I've never been a position where I've ever seriously thought that.<br><br>And I'm not sure I'd WANT to be.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-23282726658391192742009-01-29T16:39:00.000-08:002009-01-29T16:39:00.000-08:00I suspect it's less 'the commitment' than the peop...I suspect it's less 'the commitment' than the people you've chosen to hook up with. And you yourself have admitted to not being completely straightforward about the relationship status, allowing the female to assume whatever she may such that you can get pissed off and dump her when she goes to the place where most mature relationships progress. That whole post on your battery of tests was quite frightening, and I might add, you get what you deserve under those circumstances. <br><br>You might find yourself in an east, reciprocal relationship should you stop looking fir escape routes and faults and relax and enjoy someone's company with some openmindedness and honesty. <br><br>Just cool it - no one says you need to find a woman today, next year or even this decade. But making such a vehement stand against partnerships says more about an anxiety in you than anything else, in my opinion.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-76355909181389958922009-01-29T18:43:00.000-08:002009-01-29T18:43:00.000-08:00You must live your life as you wish to Crushed.I t...You must live your life as you wish to Crushed.<br><br>I think you're wrong though. If we all saw it as you do - the World would almost stop spinning. 'Most' women don't choose to have children without there being a significant other to participate in the parental duties. That's not to say women are unable to care for children alone, but it is an easier work done by two.<br><br>Relationships change and grow with time and just as well they do - or else we'd all be stark raving mad, what with the not eating, not sleeping etc etc. Romantic love doesn't disappear. It's intensity is variable and maybe you've never given it long enough to realise this.<br><br>Living with anyone is a matter of give and take. If one party falls out of love because they feel they have to consider the feelings of another, then it seems to me, it might not have been love in the first place. 'Most' people know that as we the individual develop, and are changed by our experience, so do our relationships. We adapt to the growth of our partner and they to us. If not, then divorce is probably best for all concerned. <br><br>It is the individuals choice whether to commit or no.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com