tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post9062888889752853846..comments2023-10-10T05:17:55.737-07:00Comments on Crushed By Ingsoc: Todays Riddle- Am I SUCH a Bad Person?Crushedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02479751225625007588noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-57833550372875355372008-01-21T17:06:00.000-08:002008-01-21T17:06:00.000-08:00Phew. You are a complicated man, Crushed. I someti...Phew. You are a complicated man, Crushed. <br><br>I sometimes am unsure of how to react to these posts. I enjoy reading them. It creates more context for the more (without a better word) intellectual posts that you write so well. But I also don't want to analyze you by reading and responding to them.<br>Being a (near) psychologist, friends often ask me for my formal opinion on them-- and I refuse, because that is territory I cannot cross. So I am not doing that with you, either. I am not going to start talking in terms of defense mechanism or whatever catch phrase seems to best work. I hope that makes sense and you can appreciate that.<br><br>However, I think you will find that very few women are Joanna. Because I wonder if Joanna feels like she is really getting her needs met, or if she lives trying not to step on yours. Not that Claire is the answer. But isn't there room for shades of grey?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-25388537200680612522008-01-21T18:09:00.000-08:002008-01-21T18:09:00.000-08:00Do Catholics still do self-flagellation? 50 lashes...Do Catholics still do self-flagellation? 50 lashes for you for being a bad boy. Feel better now?<br><br>There comes a time in everyone's life when we just have to forgive ourselves and start again. Strip away everything that we don't like about ourselves, our lives and rebuild from scratch. Otherwise, we kill our spirit and that's just not a way to live.<br><br>Apologize to yourself, aplogize to those you have hurt. Even if they are not here believe that wherever they are, they will hear your words and they will forgive you. Clear the air from you head, heart and Soul and start from scratch. Leave the past in the past and start now.<br><br>We can never go back to the past in our present condition, we have already grown away from it, it no longer fits. We just have to be here now and be loving to those around us.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-9554246292886337302008-01-21T21:44:00.000-08:002008-01-21T21:44:00.000-08:00> You are no longer you, you are part of Crushe...> You are no longer you, you are part of Crushedandclaire.<br>*bursts out laughing* yes, that’s true ;-) The 2 become one…lol<br><br>> Is the price for sharing a bed sharing your life?<br>Yes it is. Any less would be selling it cheap ;-) While sharing your life; it’s not a price. It’s a gift *imho*<br><br>> Bottom line is, you either make me feel good, or you don't. If you start arguing with me, trying to get me to alter my actions, involve yourself in an area of my life which I don't want you near (the majority, in fact), then, by definition, you are NOT making me feel good.<br>*Nods* Sometimes it’s cos they care, though. I think I’m a Joanna. It's easy to be so if there's nothing wrong with your partner's life. If you think he's throwing it away, though, the least a friend would do would be to tell him so *then I'm not sure if you draw a line between 'friend' and 'girlfriend'.<br><br>Poor old granny. She must be so lonely (I know, it's a heaviness to have to sit and talk. sometimes one even doesn't mind the thought of them dying, 'cos it's a responsibility of one's shoulders. and then they don't have to keep caring and waiting...) *and you're not all that much comfort either, although it's all she's got ;-)* It's their curse for loving you ... :-)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-59061767163997494702008-01-22T00:57:00.000-08:002008-01-22T00:57:00.000-08:00> We can never go back to the past in our prese...> We can never go back to the past in our present condition, we have already grown away from it, it no longer fits. We just have to be here now and be loving to those around us.<br>Ohh... Alexys speaks such true words. Yes, after many mistakes, I always wondered about that. One can never go back. So even if you were to go back, Joanna wouldn't work out either. It's too late; you're a different person now *as are well all, after we go through stuff*Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-77185580660670121582008-01-22T02:01:00.000-08:002008-01-22T02:01:00.000-08:00Easily done in RL. It's never taken more than a fi...<i>Easily done in RL. It's never taken more than a five minute telephone call.</i><br><br>I'm guessing that if they are close enough for you start throwing your barriers up, then they are close enough to at least deserve that conversation in person. You might find it difficult to deal with these conversations but sometimes you've just got to suck it up.<br><br>From what you've written here, I find it hard to believe you actually think you've gone through life not hurting anyone. Intentionally or not, our actions all have consequences.<br><br><i>So I thought, hell, it's a good start. If she loves me, I can probably love her. It could work.<br></i><br><br>That's when you should have ended things. Would have saved both yourself and her a lot of hurt. Doing things because you think it's what the other person wants only leads to pain in the long run, for both parties involved.<br><br>I don't think you're a bastard, but I do think you set impossible expectations on the women in your life. Not everyone is going to be a Joanna, not everyone is going to be a Claire. If you want to move forward, you're going to have to let the 22 year old Crushed go, and start being the 30 year old Crushed.<br><br>But then, I don't think you want to.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-3933817529066199202008-01-22T05:22:00.001-08:002008-01-22T05:22:00.001-08:00Princess P- None of us are simple.Ultimately, I ne...Princess P- None of us are simple.<br><br>Ultimately, I need to be certain that I have a large network around me without anyone having a hold over me.<br><br>Certainly, being solely responsible for meeting a woman's needs is something I am incapable of.<br><br>Alexys- Maybe. But I still have to face the fact that one of the few things in life I have ever actually given a damn about has been damaged, and it will surely haunt me to my dieing day whether I could have protected it better.<br><br>The past is always with us. It is how we reached the present.<br><br>Eve- To me it's a price. I cannot live that way. It feels like being raped, it feels like living in a cage.<br>I can think of nothing that scares me more.<br><br>My Gran is lonely, I guess. It'a hard one. I try make an effort with her, I've told her I'll take her to the centeneray of the Easter Rising.<br><br>Oestrebunny- Ran out of time :) I'll reply to your comment this evening.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-10059791449107687722008-01-22T05:22:00.000-08:002008-01-22T05:22:00.000-08:00I've been away for the weekend and working as well...I've been away for the weekend and working as well and have some catching up to do on your posts.<br><br>Haven't we all had our Joannas ?<br><br>It's your memory playing tricks on you - if she was THE ONE you'd still be with her. I'm still in love with my first girlfriend too in a way. She's the only woman to ever have 'chucked' me. 23 years ago. Never forgiven her - bitch ! ;-) I bought her flowers as a parting gift and told her that my door was always open. She came back ... frequently. I let her go because SHE WASN'T THE ONE and she'd shown me that.<br><br>If you want love you can't be selfish. You have to be prepared to share ALL areas and become one with that person. Without this you don't have true love. You can't be so precious about yourself if love is what you really want.<br><br>Why are you so secretive ? I'm prepared to talk about every humiliation and personal failing on my blog and do so frequently.<br><br>Is this mystery blogger really that much of a threat to your 'creation' and to your friendships or are you blaming her wrongly ?<br><br>Make peace even if they don't want to, let it go, if necessary let them do their very worst and I'll wager that by 'worst' we don't see very much at all.<br><br>They hurt, you hurt ... we all hurt. Pain is good, because that's life and contrast to pain is what we call 'happiness'.<br><br>Do you honestly think that I'd think less of you for it if Miss ******** spilled the beans ?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-46989703622443797492008-01-22T05:56:00.000-08:002008-01-22T05:56:00.000-08:00You do beat yourself up a lot - I guess you are a ...You do beat yourself up a lot - I guess you are a very intense person to know. I would calm down, relax and try not to worry. I have given up any hope of intimacy - in any sense - in my life as I seem unable to find it...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-86774754252165040492008-01-22T06:10:00.000-08:002008-01-22T06:10:00.000-08:00*nods* that's good :-) Will be a treat for her :-)...*nods* that's good :-) Will be a treat for her :-)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-33297600959434700782008-01-22T08:24:00.000-08:002008-01-22T08:24:00.000-08:00I would give anything I own to spend one more hour...I would give anything I own to spend one more hour with my grandmother. You would do well to spend some time with her is my advice. As far as the problem yu have with women it seems that you are not as into them as they are into you. Typical male behavior. Try to figure out what it is you want from women beofre getting into a relationship that will be doomed for the start. I know this sounds trite but age and experience will be valuable to you in the long run.Sorry about the whole abotion thing I am sure that weighs heavy on your catholic guilt.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-81458879243897242632008-01-22T11:17:00.000-08:002008-01-22T11:17:00.000-08:00Oestrebunny- Sometimes I've done it by meeting for...Oestrebunny- Sometimes I've done it by meeting for a drink. BuT I always aim to have left the pub after one drink.<br>There's no need to prolong these things. Short statement, list of reasons why a decision has been reached, etc.<br><br>But to be honest, generally, I just let these things tail off and fizzle out.<br><br>As for your second point, I'm hardly likely to fall in love with someone who's not already in love with me.<br>Many times I have stayed with people long after they have driven me mad, just because I don't want to hurt their feelings.<br><br>I suppose the thing is, when a woman looks at you with puppy dog eyes and tells you how much she loves you, when she tells you how she has thought about you all day, of course you love her.<br><br>When she's ringing your bloody mobile demanding to know where you are, why you haven't come home yet, she's just become another person presuming to excercise authority over you.<br><br>Turning thirty is something I dread. Less than fifty days, it's not good.<br>If anyone gets me a pipe and slippers, I'll scream.<br><br>E-K- I'm not sure what 'The one is'. She was the only girl I ever loved, though past tense it was.<br>She got in touch years later, to let me know she was engaged and then rung me back a couple of days later to ask if I thought it was possible to love two people.<br>I must admit I was mindblown. I'd spent years of bitterness about the whole thing.<br><br>I guess it freed me in a way, because I realised then that we really had diverged. She'd settled down and was training to be a teacher, I worked in Telecoms at this point and my life really had just become work and clubbing. Most important, I knew that I played the same role in her life as she had in mine, which I guess was all I needed to know.<br><br>I cannot become 'one' with anybody. I let different people into different areas.<br>I write things here, I wouldn't tell RL people.<br><br>The 'mystery blogger' has already caused untold damage. They created a stressful situation here in the flat, but worse is the damage done here.<br>There are no beans she can spill, I've already done that, but her false accusations have certainly harmed my creation, no two ways about that.<br><br>They've done their worst, but it was pretty bad. I've certainly lost readers as a result.<br><br>And the thing is, I STILL can't see what it is that she is so upset about.<br><br>Mutley- I know, but you've got to remember, I am looking back and seeing how this mess could have been prevented. I have a sneaking suspicion that reality has slowly dawned on some people, but it's too late isn't it?<br>I've had my baby dragged through the mud. And for absolutely no good reason at all.<br><br>I am actually quite an intense person in real life. It's often been pointed out that I get very impassioned very easily.<br><br>I have the intimacy I want when I need it. But I try to keeps friends and lovers separate :)<br><br>Eve- She has seven years to go :)<br>Seriously, she has a right to be there. she was born nine days before the Treaty was signed in 1922.<br><br>Poody- I went the other day actually. It's just that always wants updates on my life. I just try fob her off with, nothing much really. Work, the pub. Then she always wants to know about any women in my life, to which the answer is always 'Oh nothing you need worry about. I may make the clergy yet.'<br><br>My own experience is this monogamy business really is hard work. I am not convinced we are actually biologically programmed that way.<br><br>I don't know if you have the term f**kbuddies in the US, but I often think that everybody just had a few f**kbuddies of the opposite sex at any one time, friends who are also intimate, but without any of the ball and chain stuff, we'd all be a lot happier.<br><br>I received absolution for my own complicity (I accompanied her to the clinic) in Feb (?) 2004, so my conscience is clear on that front.<br>Though I do sometimes wonder what sort of son he would have been.<br><br>A Blues fan, I hope.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-68073800743365749852008-01-22T13:36:00.000-08:002008-01-22T13:36:00.000-08:00wow... i seriously have no idea where to start tha...wow... i seriously have no idea where to start than by agreeing with princess pointful - you sure are one of the most complicated persons I've ever crossed my paths with...<br><br><i>"Layers Donkey, layers"</i><br><br>I suppose all you have been through defines you as a person. To be able to know where you are going, you have to know where you have been...<br><br>.. and it seems like you have given this a thought.<br><br>Wish you love and serenity, cuz you surely deservs it. we all do...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-46357278380516459952008-01-22T17:23:00.000-08:002008-01-22T17:23:00.000-08:00I think if anyone gets you a pipe and slippers, it...I think if anyone gets you a pipe and slippers, it's because you've kept going on about getting old.<br><br>Your thirty! <b>Thirty</b>! :)<br><br>Barely even half way through your life.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-31083639635954231172008-01-23T11:40:00.000-08:002008-01-23T11:40:00.000-08:00Crashie- It's possible. Or maybe the reverse is tr...Crashie- It's possible. Or maybe the reverse is true.<br>PEOPLE are all pretty complex, because wee are all ongoing processes. No thought you have, is in isolation. They are all built on every single thought you HAVE had.<br><br>Ultimately, we are all just information processing systems.<br><br>Oestrebunny- Do you really think I'll make it to sixty?<br>Good God, I sincerely hope not!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-75078817186393834102008-01-24T08:15:00.000-08:002008-01-24T08:15:00.000-08:00Blimey! I would agree with others here: give a li...Blimey! I would agree with others here: give a little of yourself to your granny; it is so little that she really wants . Here you are dreading being 30; can't you imagine a little how she must feel, then? And you have the power to give her a little happiness, Crushed. <br>As for you and women, I'm not going to judge as I have given up on figuring men out.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3334391160365031546.post-85662012195760996232008-01-26T19:42:00.000-08:002008-01-26T19:42:00.000-08:00I think it will be impossible for you to love some...I think it will be impossible for you to love someone wholeheartedly (which they deserve) until you love yourself without reservation.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com