Tuesday 26 February 2008

A Phish the Sea Will Miss

Not all blogs have an axe to grind. Not all bloggers want to change the world. For some, blogging is a personal journey. For some, the blogosphere is a place where they came to find themselves or to free themselves, to open themselves up to total strangers in a way maybe they can’t in real life.

And I suppose even those of us who do have an angle, share those motives too.

I think those who have known Phish in the blogging world, have grown to love her. Phish has always only ever been Phish. I came upon her blog early in my blogging life, and liked the person who shone through straight away.

Phish always told it straight. She never blogged on politics, or philosophy, or any of the things that I often blog on. Phish blogged about Phish.

But Phish did that well. Phish showed herself to the world, a kind, caring, shy but loving person, with never a bad word to say, whose heartbreaks and tribulations always hit a nerve in their brevity, whose happiness touched us in its expressiveness.
Many people blog about themselves. It takes a special kind of person to make us want to keep reading.

Phish wasn’t afraid to be just human. Phish was never afraid to show when she felt down. Phish never pretended to have the answers to things, she didn’t lord it over her readers, like a pop princess. She didn’t delude herself she was a comedy genius (for the record, I only know of one comedy blog worthy of the name and that’s Blogpower’s favourite hound, Mutley. The rest couldn’t raise a nervous chuckle from the Rowley Regis Working Men’s club), or think her insights were somehow special.

And yet they were. They were, because they had a candour, a refreshing honesty to them. Phish gave us the world Phish saw, whether it was her walk to work, or her long standing admiration for Green Eyes, or her cat, she said what she saw.
But there was more to Phish than that. Phish had a sense of decency and a deep reserve of moral courage that puts a lot of bloggers who lay claim to both virtues, to shame.

Phish knew what friendship meant. Phish is as guileless and honest, as her blog told the world she was.

It’s understandable, I suppose, that I’d think that. In Real Life, it’s girls like Phish I tend to choose as my female friends. I relate to them, I understand them, essentially, they are people who live their lives in a way that isn’t strange to me. She’s the sort of person I’d socialise with, the comments I left on her blog, were the sorts of things I’d say in Real Life. And I suppose it’s no secret that we exchanged e-mails, and I always felt safe trusting her. She never let me down either. She was a good friend, a good listener and more. It was the sort of platonic friendship I’m comfortable with.

In many ways, she is very similar to D, my former flatmate and close friend. Aside from the fact D is blonde, they even look similar. Certainly, their way of looking at things was almost identical. D was a good cook, a good housekeeper, but also a good pool player who had no problem drinking with the lads in a working man’s pub.
It’s also what The Baker calls ‘The Puppy quality’. Some girls, you couldn’t hurt, because it feels like kicking a puppy.

That’s what D has, that’s what Phish has I think, and really, it’s the quality any woman worth bothering with has.

It’s not about being ladylike, it’s about being feminine. Airs and graces don’t make a woman, in fact if you’re me, they positively put my back up.

I think Phish has found happiness now, and she is a loss to all of us. But we can at least take comfort that all of us, in our own way, were part of that.

She will have a special place in my heart for opening my eyes about a daydream I was living in, and showing me the appalling nature of the reality. Not only that she showed considerable courage, suffering herself in the process, to do that. I wish at that time I’d had her moral courage. I will never forget that she put herself on the line, that she lost out on something important, ultimately because she was motivated to do the Right Thing. That’s the sort of person Phish is. People like that are rare. They are the truly good, it is thanks to people like them that there is hope for humanity.

I hope that Phish has found a life full of joy and happiness. In fact, I really think she has. I think all she had to do, was wait. In the end, she shines through.
Because the man that finds a Phish, is going to be a lucky man indeed. Not only, is she sweet, caring and at heart, loving, she knows the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach (well, not in my case so much, diet isn’t a strong point of mine, but in most cases).

Phish was a special person in this crazy blogging world. She was the girl next door, she was a sister, a girlie friend to many, a shy ladette, a girl a man would happily take to meet the parents.

The world is full of brash, strident women who think that making it in what is still, sadly, a man’s world, means taking on masculine characteristics. And they wonder why they spend their lives alone.

It’s a shame Sanity Optional, will no longer be around to show them the kind of girl other girls like to be with, the kind of girl most men prefer as friends. A lot of people could have learned a lot from Phish, if they'd only taken the trouble.

The sea will be a poorer place without her.


Anonymous said...

> for the record, I only know of one comedy blog worthy of the name and that’s Blogpower’s favourite hound, Mutley
Mutley is great! Here's another one that I'd recommend! ('cos most bloggers can't possibly afford to update every day, so it's good to find more; good comedy blogs are hard to find)

Anonymous said...

I'm sure Phishez will be very pleased with your charming tribute Crushed.

Anonymous said...

(1) It's sad, sometimes, when a blogmate calls it in, even if for only a little while. But there's generally a bit of sweetness in that our cyberpals have usually found something more interesting to do with their time.

(2) I'm of the humble opinion that to the historian, personal blogs like Phish's will be of greater value than those like yours or mine, which discuss politics and world affairs. These will show, if they remain extant, who we were, our aspirations and foibles. I'm thinking a sociologist could have a field day with the blogosphere already.

Anonymous said...

Eve- Dum de dee, had a few beers, just read these three comments, they link up.

I really don't want to dwell on this theme.

Yes, Eve read that particular blog, actually do like it.
Check the blogroll.
Sadly, as things stand, if I leave an innocent comment, you and I both know a 'u' commentor which will follow, designed to provoke me.

I'm too hot tempered not to respond and they will manipulate that to their adavantage.
I had to e-mail one of my favourite blogs recently to say I could not continue commenting there in such circumstances, which was sad for me, because it happened to be a blogger I gained a lot from.

I admire the way you handled that situation yourself, it was very nicely done, no one could claim it was one-sided, you just dealt with it. I notice she had no answer to that post.

In time I'm sure the Japing Ape WILL be a regular site of mine in time, but let's let time take it's course.

Btw, I love you to bits, Eve. You're solid. That matters.

jmb- I really hope so. She added a lot to my blogging life.

She is a person of courage and integrity. I'll miss her.

X-Dell- Your first point, I hope so.
That really does make me happy, in a way. Because I'll miss her. I'm sorry you never saw her blog. She wastops, she really was. When I say, you heard her voice, I mean, you HEARD her voice. Her blog had the narrator style.
Her blog NEVER stopped being HER.

Phish was Phish. To this blogger, she set a blogging standard by which this blogger judges the attitude of bloggers to eachother.

And that standard will remain.

The Phish standard.

(For the record I have censored my own drunken response there in the interests of diplomacy)

Anonymous said...

amen to that brotha.
but i guess phish has finally finally found what she was looking for...