This post is about what real love is.
I remember when I was little and we first got a dog. Up till then, I'd not liked dogs. And I'd not wanted to like this one. But my Mum forced him into my lap. And...
I've not been the same since. His tiny little paws. His soppy eyes. And my soaking wet face. He just knew. He... could sense every string to tug to make me love him. Because that's what dogs do. And when you've become a doggy person, you've become a doggy person. Dogs know you. They know a friend.
Dogs just see and you think 'Here's a friend!'. And they just make you love them.
I must admit, I only really trust people who have been switched on that way. And in my experience, they're usually bad people. You need to be switched on that way. I pity people who only learned love through... other routes.
Those people who only see love in terms of 'passion'. Those sad, distorted souls.
Love isn't something you can talk about. You can't commit to it. Love is that soft paw and those sympathetic eyes. Love is dogs.
Dogs are just the best thing in the world. We might be cleverer, but dogs are nicer. Dogs are more loving. Fact. Dog gives love, expecting to get back. It KNOWS it will. It's as if God decided to create a species to put us to shame.
I love dogs more than people by a long way. They're nicer. They're more cuddly. They empathise more. They don't bark at someone they love and who loves them.
There is no'passion'.
So when I say to a woman 'This relationship isn't working', what I mean is 'You and I don't bond the way I do with a dog. You know, the way we don't need to talk and there is no barking. You know, the way our moods are connected and the way we simply connect through empathy and a need to be loved, a sort of symbiotic mutual need to cuddle, rather than 'passion'. You and I don't have that. If we did, we wouldn't need to TALK about it.'
I never needed to SAY that to Chrystal. We had that thing you have with a dog. We didn't EVER need to talk about it.
The only things we ever talked about were abstract, esoteric and intellectual. I never once talked to her about 'feelings'. I didn't need to. She read me the way a dog does.
And that to me is love. If you can read me like a dog does, we have a relationship. If you can't we don't.
You can't apply a moral code that blames ME if you can't do that. How am I to blame for you being stupider than a dog? And needing to talk about something a dog can do without talking about?
If we need to talk about it, we clearly don't have it.
I never needed to talk to Chrystal. She read me. I read her. That's love. No passion. Empathy.
There is empathy or there isn't. If it needs to be talked about IT ISN'T THERE.
And THAT is why 'committed relationships' fail. Because they're based on a fallacy.