Synchronicity.
I've always liked the word. It's a good word.
And yes, it's real concept.
Sometimes, it really does seem to happen, that suddenly, you look up and see clearly. Standing back, you suddenly realise that everything is in fact clicking into place.
Things aren't in the places you were trying to put them, but actually, everything fits.
I've defended my anonymity for over a year, primarily because I felt that it opened up avenues that were closed to me in RL.
For almost a year I lived in constant fear of any details about myself coming out. It was a shadow to live under, as I'm sure you can imagine.
Well, as regular readers will know, I had no choice but to lay the worst on the line.
It was heartbreaking, I won't deny it. I really felt my hopes had been shattered. I almost gave up.
But you didn't.
You lot, reading this.
You lot kept me going.
And for that, I thank you all. From the bottom of my heart.
I think a number of events over the last week have just made me look and realise 'It didn't kill you, it made you stronger.'
Of course it did. Just as my little holiday in the House of Fun completely removed my physical fear, I now have absolutely no fear as regards Crushed.
What's actually happened, in real terms?
A setback? Of course. But partly, I can blame my own despondancy and letting things slide. But taking it easy for a bit and collecting my thoughts was maybe no bad thing.
During the other little trial of life, I was able to come out, look myself in the mirror and say 'Well actually, you couldn't have handled that any better. That was a life test, and you passed.'
And being honest, I can say the same this time round.
I know that the people who know, know the truth. And truth will always win in the end. Time will solve all. Mud will always wash away, leaving the true rock underneath.
It's refreshing to pick up from comments, just how well those of you I've known a while, actually do know me. You know I'm certainly NOT 'respectable', when judged by the standards some of our moral guardians like to spout. What I do have, is complete integrity. Nothing stated on this blog has ever been untrue. Nothing this blogger has stated, in his blogging identity, has ever been untrue. And it's nice that there are people who can see that.
I'm candid about who I am and what I believe in. I'm candid about my life and how I lead it.
Well, as I say in RL, 'If you like me, I like you. If you don't, it's not my fault you have bad taste.'
I think that's fair comment really.
As far as I am concerned, all that's really happened since December, is I'm free of any blogging related worries, I've lost respect for a few people I once looked up to in the blogging world, having seen their true colours, I've gained a lot more respect for quite a few people and put bluntly, a lot of wheat has been sorted from a lot of chaff.
And I'm still here. The good guys still come :). And there are way more good guys out there.
In blogging terms, I need to get out more, certainly. Way too many good blogs I'm missing out on. I think I need to move beyond the same old circles.
There are 75 million blogs in the world. Don't any of the rest of you think we just move in circles?
I'm a lot more netwise now, I can see the landscape a lot better, and this little lamb knows now who the wolves are.
And who are the sheep in sheep's clothing.
And to be honest, I really can't quite see how I could have avoided being sucked into the ridiculous playground business, but I'm not going to rise to it anymore. It was petty, pointless drivel, beneath contempt, and those who attacked me (or even sympathised), are, in my book, likewise, because they really miss the point of what this is all about.
In fact, these people shouldn't really be blogging. This site is more suited for them.
Although actually, a mysterious byproduct of all this, has been making one of the best friends I think I'll ever make.
Anyway, enough of that.
The great thing is, it's up to you lot now to decide what you think of what I write. And that's really what matters. That's what counts. The sideshow has finished, and it's time to get serious.
This is about responsibility. I treat this blog as a responsibility. What I write here, is my contribution to the world. I work to earn money, I do this out of love.
Love for what I write, love for the World, love for all you guys.
The day to day satisfaction is just getting that little buzz of all of you, of course. And that, of course, is a lovely buzz, one of the nicest there is. Priceless.
But long term, it's bigger than that.
We are in interesting times, as the Chinese proverb says. I think the system will fail, globally, within the next fifty years, maybe as soon as 2020.
We may blow ourselves up in the struggle that follows.
If we survive, it may really be, not hidden INGSOC, but open, naked, global INGSOC that we live under.
I don't think we have time to p*ss around.
It is our duty, here, to take responsibility.
So, I'm going to restate clearly, the long term aims of this blog.
- Eventual ordering of posts into a consistent book, outlining my overall theories.
- Working towards the setting up of a SERIOUS online, direct democratic debating forum, in which bloggers of all shades of opinion, and all parts of the globe, can participate.
- Working with like minded bloggers to bring bloggers of similar opinions together in some kind of union.
Those are long term aims. I don't expect any of them to happen over night. But they are good aims, and certainly worth working towards.
And I'm under no illusions that I will never come under fire again. I know damn well my opinions really offend some people so much they have to fight dirty, due to a lack of anything constructive to say in my comments section. And I expect that to continue. I guess I wasn't prepared for it, but I guess it's something I'll have to accept. It comes with the territory, I suppose.
But I also know this. I know my inner strength, and I know it's there. I know that the things I say are correct, and that they are worth standing by. I know that I am more than ready to devote a huge chunk of the rest of my life to this. I know that ultimately, intelligence and integrity will win.
It would be arrogant of me to say 'God is on my side', but what I will say, is I am working WITH the universe in the direction it wants to go.
I'm actually taking the trouble to use my life in actually trying to work out the truth, not blindly parroting mantras, without troubling to think about them.
Crushed is dusting off his boots, adjusting his rucksack, and setting off on the road again.
Crushed isn't Winston Smith. Crushed isn't going to betray Julia and accept that 2+2=5. Crushed has been in Room 101 and survived the rats.
And the invitation to share however much of the road you choose to share, is open to anyone who feels like taking up the offer in the spirit it is given.
There's no one's company that I reject.
We don't know where we're going yet, but I think it's going to be a very rewarding journey.
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11 comments:
Glad to see you're feeling more optimistic about things :)
Oestrebunny- I'm just being realistic.
Time is on my side :)
(1) I'd say INGSOC (or USSOC, for that matter) is already in a thong and bra. It can't get much more naked. The problem is, we tend to avert our gaze.
(2) Candor is probably the most valuable things blogs will have for the historian to examine years from now, assuming that some of the 75 million survive for awhile. That's a possibility. After all, I've visited several blogs that have survived their authors.
(3) I'm not really up for FriendFinder, but thanks for the link all the same.
I'm assuming this has to do with someone trolling. Trolls are a pest on the Net, and they come in all shapes and sizes. There're the kind who nitpick, those who are contrary just to spite, there are those who goad into flame wars. The problem is those who do are understood as such, generally, by netizens, and it's often better simply to ignore them.
Although I understand your anger. They piss me off too.
I think the system will fail, globally, within the next fifty years, maybe as soon as 2020.
It's already started and is in the middle of its primary phase.
x-dell- The possibilities of real Ingsoc are shocking, what we have now is a taster.
But ceertainly, we are averting our gaze whilst they slowly slide the apparatus in place.
I have actually seriously considered the long term future of this blog, in terms of, ultimately, what happens if I just collapse next with a heart attack. These things do happen, even at my age.
Trolling, not really, a fairly unpleasant series of events which fortunately seems to have passed, though, like all things on the blogosphere, it's all in the backposts.
I did have to put up comment moderation, but that was really just to stop one commentor and their dementedness. I'm hoping to try removing it again. Even though I've actually grown to be more comfortable with it, I know others don't like it.
We get through these things.
It will all come right in the wash :)
James- The wheels are still turning, but the system is eating itself.
I've been guesstimating how long the current economy can still push the wheels, and I can't myself see it being much further than 2020, but then again it's been pushed on a wastage economy since 1929.
Whether it will be the collapse of amajor bank, or an energy crisis, or whatever, as soon as there is a run, and debts start being called in, the edifice collapses, because more money is owed than exists, certainly by 2020, I think.
The immediate effect is that there is no way to pay people or to pay for anything. So we get global strikes, industry just stops, because the exhange system, by which we work out relative values of labour to goods to resources is no longer agreed on.
The situation will be pretty ludicrous, but it will result in pretty much total social breakdown.
But those sitting on the resources and infrastructure have ben busy arming their Gorillas- sorry, the Police, so we really might be looking at an Orwellian state merging out of a 'global emergency'.
This is why we need to start asking 'What are we going to do to make sure that doesn't happen?'
Sometimes the thing you fear the most is more of a problem in your mind than in reality. I hope that it really turned out to be so, even though it caused upheaval for you.
You certainly do have some plans and they sound worthy of your talents.
Although I have wondered for years what keeps the house of cards from collapsing I am hoping it will not be in my lifetime, since I have no way to really survive it.
By the way I'd rather comment moderation any day than a captcha but I suppose it's a lot of extra work and it does prevent dialogue between the commenters running smoothly.
jmb- There's only so long people can maintain pretences, in time they'll hang themselves, I'm pretty sure of that.
If X-dell's hypothetical blog historians were researching the whole sad story now, the facts are all there already, lurking in blogging history.
So, there's no need for me to worry- Time, Truth and Karma will fight my battles for me there :)
What stops it collapsing? Ah, well you'll be glad to know the series on history starts again Monday- in fact the next post is already written.
But basically the short answers are; Consumer debt, wastage ecnomy (as in producing deliberately to waste), and of course mass manipulation.
But we'll survive the crisis, I think.
All those qualities that we have tried to suppress in humanity will come into their element again; courage, drive, logic, humans freed will surprise themselves with what they are cpable of.
Captcha is not much use really, if you comments moderation, you stop thespam anyway. To be honest, I get one spammer a week or so, and I can just delete it, if I didn't have moderation.
I said when I started that comments policy was I would only delete comments if they referred to things of a personal nature, as in anything to do with my real life identity.
Comments moderation was only ever imposed to due to unceasing attempts by one particular person to abuse this- as in, basically to make sure I could actually go to work without having to worry.
I am still here Mr Ingsoc - I trust I shall be included in your plans for world domination as I have already got myself a black suit and some mirror shades ...
Agreed with Oestrebunny. It is so nice to see the spark return.
But, you bastard! I was silly and clicked on that link, and was treated to BDSM popups galore!!
Mutley- Cool. Have you been practising throwing that bladed hat?
Princess P- I think I came to the conclusion that everything happens for a reason.
After all, that is the basis of my outlook on how the universe works- a thermodynamic view, entails us living in the universe which develops and evolves in the best way.
In other words, everything that happens to me, happens so the universe gets the best out of me.
Ah, you liked the site, eh? :)
Can't remember where I came across it. I do sometimes wonder round some less than salubrious websites...
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