How Large an Age Gap is Decent?

You all had faith in life...
Well, by 24 to 7.
That's quite optimistic :)

This week's poll is on a subject that I really don't think there is a clear dividing line on. One which people generally have opinions on.
And one society generally doesn't have a clear standard on.
Or any kind of clear morality on.

And many of you will probably shocked to find out my views on this topic are- actually quite puritanical in some eyes.

And it is to do with sex and age gaps.

A few weeks ago, we were discussing in the Star, the whole principle of men being prosecuted for having sex with underage girls. And one person- who should have known better- trotted out the tired old formula 'Yes, but some of these fifteen year old girls, dress much older. And they aren't naive. If you met one in a club, you could easily think she was older.'

I replied 'Pond. Can a fifteen year old girl make herself look over twenty two?'
He said probably not.

I swigged my pint. 'There you go. If I, as a thirty year old man, was to use that excuse, it doesn't much change the principle. I'd still have been prepared to bed an eighteen year old. And that's still wrong. In principle, a thirty year old man who beds an eighteen year old girl is WORSE than a twenty year old man who beds a fifteen year old girl. The fact is, if you bed a girl, believing her to be eighteen, and she turns out to be fifteen, you deserve to be punished as a nonce- because you're a nonce'.

At which point Scott the Barman, bedder extraordinaire, waded in 'So- you're saying you wouldn't shag a fit eighteen year old?
I frowned. 'Of course not. I'm thirty. It's plain wrong. It's an inappropriate age gap'.

I remember on New Year's Eve, last year, I was a little drunk and I was kind of well, I had my tongue down the throat of some girl I'd just met, when it occurred to me, looking in the light that she seemed a little fresh faced.
So I asked her 'How old ARE you?'
She replied 'Eighteen'.
I reeled. 'You do realise I'm thirty?'
She said she didn't care. Anyhow, I found the girl's mother and pointed out to her that I had been dangerously close to going home with her daughter and was she was aware of this. She said she had noticed, and it was no concern of hers. I reiterated the point, that her daughter was eighteen and I was thirty. Did she not think that a LITTLE indecent? Apparently, she didn't.

But of course, it IS indecent.



There is a margin of acceptability, and the problem with the law as it stands, is it doesn't take into account, the REAL ethics of the situation.
If a girl is fifteen, then a seventeen year old male who sleeps with her, breaks the law.
If a girl is seventeen, then a fifty year old male who sleeps with her, has broken no law.

To me, that's wrong. It should be the second instance that is illegal, not the first.

The age of the girl shouldn't be the issue, the age difference between the parties should be the issue.

Some will argue that many women in their twenties exploit older men by marrying them for their money. The proverbial case of the young blonde marrying the octogenarian oil billionaire. We're supposed to feel sorry for him.
Well, I don't. He gets what he deserves. Just because in this instance, a slightly worldly wise young girl is able to manipulate his sordid urges, doesn't stop them being sordid urges. At the end of the day, he's an octogenarian who has tried to buy young fresh flesh, and if he gets more than he bargained for, he deserves it. His wealth doesn't change the fact, he's a dirty old man.

And some recognition should be made of the fact that a male with an age advantage is in a position to exploit his greater worldly wisdom and life experience.
Some would argue that the same is possible the other way round, and I agree to some extent, but I would say a greater age gap is permissible the other way. I don't feel that males can be psychologically scarred the same way. The dynamics of sex mean that sex is less PERSONAL for a male than for a female. That's why we regard female consent so highly. Her physical person is actually being entered, it is more significant in psychological terms.

It is rare that a male can be traumatised in any way from unwanted sex with a female, so we don't have to worry about male sensibilities so much. There's a limit to the harm it can do. I was seduced several times in my youth by women at least twice my age and it didn't do me any harm.

Not when it was just simply sex.
But I think when it was about things other than sex, it was quite emotionally traumatic. I think men are highly emotionally, as opposed to sexually, vulnerable to older women.

The area where younger males are in danger from older women isn't the danger of sexual exploitation at all. From personal experience, I do think males probably DO need protecting in some ways from older women, but not from being used for sex. I DO think that quite often older women can severely psychologically and emotionally traumatise younger males, but that is another issue entirely, and not one related to sex. I think as a general rule we as a society should try to ensure that men don't get seriously EMOTIONALLY involved with women too much older than them, but where it's only sex involved, I don't think there is a problem.



So I must admit to not being overly convinced we need to legislate in any way to prevent males being sexually exploited by females. I really don't think it can do them any harm. When the Amy Gehring case was going on, I thought 'So what? I bet none of the lads in question complained!'
And I still think that.

But I do think that sex really should be restricted to people within the same broad age group, and when generation gaps start to be crossed, it really is highly undesirable. Older men exploit younger women sexually, older women exploit younger men psychologically.

And I do think we should revise the law on sex and consent.
Drop the age of consent to fourteen, but make it illegal for any male to have any sexual relations of any type with anyone- male OR female- less than 75% of his age.

I'm interested to see how people feel on this one.

Poll's in the sidebar.

Have your say!