Some harsh comments on this post.
Some, justified maybe.
Well the world situation allows me to put it in black and white terms.
Allows me to state WHY it is, the situation I describe there, is the situation I prefer.
If any woman was stuck in any kind of relationship with me now, her life would be hell.
Tonight, I'm off out to party. Off out to enjoy myself. Off out to forget the cobwebs, forget the stress, forget the whole damn lot.
But I won't be paying.
Because my card won't let me draw money till Monday. When I get paid.
And I don't have a credit card, because I had one once, and people like me shouldn't have credit cards.
Because me, I'm in in Shit Street, finance wise. This credit crunch his come along and buggered me good and proper.
The policy of Lloyds TSB, whereby they charge you an unauthorised overdraft fee every month ON THE 1ST (I get paid on the 6th) means that every month I pay that fee, then pay the same fee every month plus some.
That monthly fee is now in excess of two hundred pounds.
I pay an ever increasing fee to Lloyds TSB every month for an increasing absence of money four days before I get paid.
At a time when my commission has radically dropped.
There is absolutely no way I can realistically ensure that on the first of the month, those funds exist in my bank account, and I stop the cycle.
It is NOT possible.
Nor can I realistically extend my existing credit. I have three loan repayments as it is, and more than one outstanding utility bill. Plus arrears in Council tax.
Stressed?
Do you think my mind ever truly leaves this topic?
I think I can get through it, yes.
I have enough faith in myself to believe I can get through it.
BUT.
I wouldn't be able to do that if I WASN'T alone.
Because I've talked to the Baker tonight, I know he's there.
And I know others will be too. People will give me the support needed, I have that, and with that support, I should pull through this.
Millions aren't that lucky. I have no excuse to go under.
But how glad am I, I don't have a wife and kids to support.
Because this is the point. If I had them, right now, they'd have no idea.
They'd know nothing.
I wouldn't tell her that the whole thing had gone tits up. That it might well be months before a good life could be there again on the best case scenario, worst case scenario, if I truly buggered it all up, we'd all be homeless.
Because that's the reality.
I could never stand in front of a woman, the woman I was supposed to protect, and tell her that.
All I could do, would be to stroke her cheek and lie. Tell her 'Don't you worry, it's all Ok, just had a bad day. Nothing to worry about'.
And only when I knew she believed me, would I leave.
Down the pub to get drunk and discuss with my mates the problems I was keeping from her.
Because right now, I'm glad I sleep alone.
Because my best mate came round at half five and I told him, it's all down to computers now. On Monday. Fuck all I can do. Nothing more I can do now. They'll take the payment before the money goes in, or the money will go in before the payment goes out. That, really, is it. I'll either get through it, or I won't.
This really is, as close as it gets.
And it's either the turning of the corner, or I literally am destitute.
And that's why I'm glad that when I go out tonight with the Baker, I don't have to come home to anyone.
To not have to have them try reach out to you as you lie in bed facing away from them. To not have to face them saying 'Are you sure you're all right?'
And me lie and say 'It's ok. Trust me. I know what I'm doing'.
Because I don't. Right now, I don't. Right now, I'm living on a wing and a prayer.
Because I'm too proud a man to allow myself to show my weaknesses in front of a woman.
Right now, I rest my entire hopes in other men.
That other men will carry me through.
How could a woman respond to this if she lived with me?
She'd know something was wrong in her heart of hearts, but I wouldn't tell her.
She'd want me to trust her, but she'd have become the person in the world it was most important for me to keep secrets from.
And I wouldn't let her back in till the day I could walk back in knowing everything was on an even keel again.
Today I just thank my lucky stars, that only the Baker knows that my bank account really is empty till Monday. I can party tonight, gratis, as if it is full to the cows come home. And no one will be any the wiser.
I thank my stars that I don't have to tell a woman I love, 'Don't bother putting your card in the joint bank account- it's empty'.
I'd never be able to look her in the eye again.
I have my pride, still.
For now.
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10 comments:
what if you could be with someone and not feel the need to protect her? maybe she would even protect you.
Being in a serious, committed relationship with someone means sharing, and getting through, the good and the bad together. She would be there to support you and vice versa, that's what it's all about. For such a forward thinker as you are Crushed, you're defining a very old and outdated lifestyle of the man having to be the sole caretaker of the household...
Sorry that you are struggling, but you can not seriously be putting this forward as the rationale behind the former post? The credit crisis wants you to spawn multiple children, that you will care for whilst maintaining a single lifestyle and your partner in crime will fuck all the black men she chooses. Right.
Do you think that all of the women that were offended by your illogical, unfounded and self obsessed comments are going to be overwhelmed with sympathy for you now? Is this part of the marketing campaign?
I don't know about you, but I earn a nearly six figure salary and work as hard as any man. Actually, a lot of woman I know either contribute equal or more to the family income. You can't even open your own mail, yet you want to bring kids in to the world. Life is sacrifice. Start prioritising.
Let me tell you from experience, being with a man who couldn't face the financial truth, at least in conversations with me, is sheer murder. I would a million times rather face it head on than ever have to go through the silent coping again.
(then again, I became in charge of paying the bills despite living off a student loan... but he still couldn't look me in the eye when talking about it)
Crushed this is a silly post. If you are saying that you can't live with someone and have them be dependent on you financially- fine either decide to be a househusband or never get married and have kids.
But your alternative is not that- its to have kids, have a 'girlfriend' of sorts but not to live on the same property or be exclusive sexually with that 'girlfriend'. What's wrong mate is that even in that circumstance she might depend on you for finance- and the children will depend on you for finance and for love. So your financial situation would still be of interest to them- and to say it wouldn't is just avoiding that responsibility.
Ultimately Crushed- your philosophy as you have said repeatedly is about avoiding ties and maintaining your individual freedom. Well, unless you want to behave like a truly unpleasant person, if you have kids, you have ties and you have dependents. If you want to have kids, you cannot be independent- you'll be at home on Saturday looking after them, not partying with the Baker and your destitution will influence their economic future- whether they live in your house or not (and incidentally how sexist to assume that if you and your 'girlfriend' lived separately, they would live with her because she would be happy to do things like waking up at three in the morning when the baby is sick).
Best wishes- but I completely disagree with you on this series of posts.
Open a new bank account and get paid there - let Lloyds sue you if they dare. Its bloody hard for banks to win claims for payments for work they don't do in the claims courts. Or...
You could marry La Femme - she has loads of money and is always out at work...
;-))
I agree with Fusion, based on what you have revealed with respect to reltionships, you seem to be a match for Ward Cleaver on Leave It to Beaver. Totally outdated. I would be absolutely offended if my partber didn't share something like a financial meltdown with me. Especially in my circumstance because I make double what he does. This hegemonic view point you have is just so far out of reality today.
Anyhow, sorry to hear you are going through a stressful time right now.
Ok...I'd had a few pints when I wrote this and was feeling a little...maudlin.
Benji- Not possible, I'm afraid.
I can't abide people trying to be protective towards me, with the exception of my mate. For some reason I allow him, but no one else.
I need to feel it's me doing the protecting.
It's the way I'm wired.
Fusion- It's not that so much. I like to feel I'm the one in control. Generally.
I don't like the idea of being dependant on others.
Femme- I never said the credit crisis wanted me to do that.
Merely if we could all live that way, it would be a better way to live.
Family units are something we as a society can move away from, if we change our social structure.
It's not about how much the other party would contribute. I wouldn't accept charity, either.
That's part of it. I wouldn't want to be in a position where I felt I owed someone else in that way, or was dependant on THEIR earnings.
Princess P- This is the point, I only real feel comfortable discussing finances and my bank account with my mate, I would never feel comfortable discussing it with anyone else.
You see, I would never hand over payment of bills to anyone else. I'm anal about having all bills in my name.
Gracchi- I could never do that, depend on someone else in that way.
It's not so much I couldn't have someone dependent on me, more I couldn't live with depending on them.
The point is, I couldn't share the financial situation, I'm just too cagy. I ned to feel the finances are entirely my jurisdiction, no matter how badky they're going. It's a character trait.
I'm not saying the childen would live with her all the time, these things CAN be worked out.
One can still be a good parent and not live with the mother- many separated couples prove that.
Mutley- I'm going to see them Monday.
We'll see what the bastards do. Certainly, I want some money repaid.
I think she'd bully me, you know! ;)
Reeny- When I last lived with somebody, they earned twice what I did. But we still split all costs evenly down the middle. In fact, I paid more in real terms, because I paid for all the meals out, holidays, etc.
So you could say, I was paying in extra to keep the finances under my control, and that would be correct, I was.
I'm sure I'll get through it.
Fingers crossed :)
Well I'll ignore all the relationship stuff which is I'm sure you know my opinion without me stating it.
But frankly your credit crunch is easily fixed. Don't spend money you don't have. Cut back on going to the pub and smoking. I'm sure if you add up what you spend in a month on those items you would really be shocked. It's all very well to say but that's my social life or whatever but you need to face reality here. You sound as if you are living beyond your means and you need to remedy this and do whatever it takes.
Too many people spending money they don't really have ( in fact the banks' money so naturally they have to be paid for this) is what has got us all into this world wide financial mess, even ones like me who have never lived beyond whatever I've earned and trust me I've been poor at times in my life.
Maybe it will take six months or more but it needs to be done and right now. A short term sacrifice for a long term gain.
Well, you have to allow for the possibility that the right woman would make times like these easier. Ever thought of just not paying the theiving bastards? Destroy your credit rating once and for all, it's not a bad idea. I don't know the laws in your country but I doubt they can put you in jail for it or take it out of your back account. All they can do is harrass you until they get tired of it.
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