Tuesday 12 February 2008


You might look at the above Image and think 'Michael Jackson'. I look up and see see something different.

I just erased a sentence there- because I don't want to be sued. I have a personal opinion here which may not be related to what I write next.

If he had been guilty, then he would have come into that category of the unbridled evil. I'm very blunt about the term I use here; Nonces.

You can't apologise for them; there is no scheme of morality you can come up with to defend them; as human beings, they are just f**ked, and you can't def**k them.

If I try to conceptualise evil, it's human form is the nonce.

AS I guess you'd expect. I had to come to terms with an environment in a state of permanent witchunt, searching for the embodiment of evil hiding amongst us still redeemable wrongdoers.

On the other side of a thick steel door, lay their home, a carbon replica of ours.

I developed a nightmare then, that they learned magic and passed through the walls and overcame us.
I still sometimes have that dream.

At that time they passed out of that murky world of which you know nothing, into being the neighbours.
And sometimes, one would be outed, caught.

And that would haunt you- you'd looked into the eyes of one of them- into the abyss.

It was a chilling thought, and one which still chills me. It darkens my thoughts.
It's that, that memory which truly fragments my sleep, knowing, having seen into, looked into the eyes of pure evil.

I came across several closet nonces as part of my Listener work. That was something too, which kept me awake at night.

But one can't escape from it- I guess I'm pretty approachable and I guess I look like someone you can offload too. The amount of people I know personally who've confided in me, regarding being sexually abused, is a scarily high proprortion in RL.

It's far more prevalent in our society than we care to acknowledge. I even find myself looking at people who'se faces have that quality one learned to spot, if one was going to prove remotely accurate in an environment where knowing instinctively who to trust, is a life skill- and thinking 'Is he a nonce, I wonder?'

Some of the things I have heard are sick beyond believing. In RL, you can tell when someone has really p*ssed me off, becausing I'll curl my lip and snarl 'F**king nonce.'

The thing is, I have quite strong views on what is and is not nonce behaviour. There are a few examples where I think a PRINCIPLE, whilst legal, is still one that isn't right in my book.

My defintion of a nonce is a simple one; Somebody who exploits a weaker party for the purpose of their own sexual gratification, without the other party being capable of resisting that exploitation.

Primarily, the exploiter has to be male. I don't care how many fifteen years olds Amy Gehring screwed, she's not a nonce, because you tell me in what sense any fifteen year old boy turns down sex with a twenty five year old, no strings attached?

It's not the ages themselves that matter; it's the relationship of the ages.

The act of consent lies with, being crude, the penetrated party.
As for an act to require consent, requires a propsal, let's call the parties, the proposing and consenting parties, though we also clearly mean, the penetrating and penetrated parties. This is what is being consented to; the physical entry of one person into another.

So clearly, there cannot be any undue advantage in this process, resting with the proposing party, the entering party.

An age difference in his favour is an advantage, the other way is not, so there is nothing sinister, and cannot be, with an older woman and a younger man.

The other way round, there is potential for a male to use his greater life experience to push the proposal.
So I would say, for a male over twenty, sex with sixteen year old girl, is not quite acceptable.
I would apply- and do- a simple 20% rule. It is wrong for a man to have any sexual relations with a male or female of much less than 80% of his age.

So personally, I include the thirty two year old man with the seventeen year old girlfriend with disapproval.
I don't think it's right.

It's exploiting youthful innocence.
And 'She were't no virgin' is no excuse- you all know what I mean.

Because by tolerating this, we are tolerating a society which turns a blind eye to a whole subculture of abuse- because we are not adopting a zero tolerance approach to part of the problem- exploitation of young girls by older men.


Anonymous said...

What if the man was 33 and the girl was 18? Would their be a difference? In the UK, the age of consent is 16 isn't it? Is your bone of contention that she is 17 or that you feel the man is exploiting the girl?

Anonymous said...

When I was 17 I had my first proper boyfriend, he was 14 years my senior.

At the time I was in love and I really wouldn't have changed anything for the world.

Looking back though, it's easier to see things without the rose tinted glasses. He was a very emotionally fragile man. Certainly way more than what I was ready to deal with. He also cheated on me with someone almost twice my age...inevitably.

Given the chance, I wouldn't want to go through this relationship again, because really, it wasn't a very good one.

We were together for 14 months. And I haven't really had any kind of real relationship to speak of since.

Anonymous said...

Very much agreed.
Though I know that people can often fall in love without regards to numbers, it strikes me as so very shady when a man is only found to woo those too young to know better. Why not try your shots at someone your equal?

Anonymous said...

Blimey!! Everyone I'm stuck with is really old! To be honest - in my view - what people over the age of consent do is entirely up to them - I wouldn't interfere in their life anymore than they would have any right to interfere in mine...

Anonymous said...

Alexys- I often think that generally, where there is any age difference, there is a danger.
The younger party may well be confusing sexual feelings with a need for a surrogate parent.

These things are usually disastrous either way, but I don't think these things damage blokes in the same way. They don't work, because they built on conflicting aspirations, but a male is less under a woman's power.

Oestrebunny- I know, and I have my views on that.
These things do affect your attitudes.
I'm absolutely terrified of the whole idea of real relationships- but that's more becauuse of living through that whole abortion thing, plus the fact that I'm looking back on ten-twelve years of female related misery.

Princess P- I agree. I'm not sure where you draw the line.

My best friend is 31, his girlfriend is 23. They are both close friends to me, and I just about accept that age difference, as a one off, and no, there are special circumstances apart from pure personal leniency, for me to be comfortable with it.

Mutley- I think it's good to have some sense of right and wrong.

So my view- pill popping, not wrong.
31 year old man, 17 year old girl, wrong.

Based on the idea that a crime needs a victim.

Anonymous said...

> An age difference in his favour is an advantage, the other way is not, so there is nothing sinister, and cannot be, with an older woman and a younger man.
Hmmmm... but that's being stereotyped ;-) There ARE men who prefer older women (and presumably, women who prefer younger men; although I've never met them! ;-))

> So personally, I include the thirty two year old man with the seventeen year old girlfriend with disapproval.
I don't think it's right.
*grins* then don't do it :-)

REading the comments, I'm getting worried... I can identify with oestrebunny *solemn, pictures herself 20 years in the future, still remembering* Aihhh... and that 'inevitably'; that in the end, whether it's true that deep calls to deep, and same ages go together.... *could one never catch up, then, if the other person was born in a different time...?*

Oh, and with pill-popping' the victim is yourself (although I don't really know anything about recreational drugs; if it's not really bad for you, then I guess it doesn't really matter; one could call it a hobby, like eating)