Saturday 10 January 2009

The Submissive Male

I suppose I'm kind of coming out in this post.
I'm guessing several of you may well already have read between the lines and realised it anyway, those of you who understand these things.

I always knew I'd write this post one day, it's one the benefits about being able to blog anonymously. It's not something I'm ashamed of, in private I'm not embarrassed by what is still a much misunderstood form of sexual expression.
Society still finds it a mystery. One often sees it turn up in sitcoms these days. It's not really been discussed much- yet. Many of us who feel the way we do get to our mid twenties before we're comfortable accepting how we are wired and that we aren't alone.

The sexually submissive male.

I guess human society at large has only just come to terms that sexuality is more complex than the simply gay/straight paradigm. It has tried so hard to box people in, that it finds a form of sexual expression like the one I and many other males in the world come under hard to find a role for.
You can't put it in your gay/straight box. It's not really gender related, or not in the way you think.

The sexually submissive male is not a repressed homosexual, nor is he a woman trapped in a man's body.
He is a man who derives sexual satisfaction from being in a sexually subservient position to a sexually dominant female.

And most people really don't seem to understand that at all.

What it's actually about, is the form the sexual relationship between the male and the female takes. You want to be hurt and even humiliated by her, in a sexual sense.

In that sense, it is a role reversal, in the traditional sense, or many people would see it like that.
I suppose the best way to say it, is I really do not enjoy sex much unless I feel the woman is in pretty much total control. Not just of the sex, but of the broader sexual situation.

One of the great benefits of modern society, is people are more open and it's far easier for people of similar outlooks to come together. I actually know many submissive males, some who aren't open about it, but others who are. There are several variations of it, but the one I relate to most personally, is the phenomenon of cuckolding. This is where a sexually submissive male is sexually faithful to a dominant women who forces him to watch as she 'cuckolds' him with numerous other men. It's actually not uncommon, indeed whole groups exist of people who lead happy lives with this as a part of it. See this forum here- but only go in if you're broad minded.

Yes, I admit I do derive a certain amount of sexual pleasure from being physically chastised and forced to be subservient to a sexually dominant woman. And curiously, in the sense that you are just one of her sex toys- and not her favourite, in a sexual sense.

What is the root behind this fetishism? Well, it might surprise you to know most men who derive satisfaction from this role, are actually not submissive individuals at all, in any other way. I found that quite re-assuring when I first discovered how common a form of sexual expression it is.
Indeed, most are quite extroverted, confident, dominant in many ways, individuals. People who generally like to be in control.
And in fact, if you were to see the average dominatrix out shopping with her submissive male, generally, you'd probably assume that there indeed was one household where she never got to wear the trousers. And yet you'd be wrong. Most submissive males are generally quite dominant in their general overall interactions and most dominatrices the reverse, and that tends to hold true in their own relationships with eachother, except when it comes to sex where those roles totally reverse.

And I guess this is the root of the submissive/dominatrix relationship. Sex is where we often live our fantasies, our deep seated desires come out. Submissive males are usually males who can never relax control on any level, males who have never in their lives truly been able to break free of the need to feel in control. Men who were probably never comfortable with their own mothers. It is only in sex that they are able to relinquish control and therefore sex encompasses for them the desire to be controlled, physically hurt and sexually humiliated by a woman asserting her dominance over him to the degree of pretty much sexually enslaving him.

And I guess most people cannot see why a male would derive genuine pleasure out of being forced to be sexually faithful to a woman who forces him to watch as she has sex with other men.
But it is that submission, that total surrender to her sexual power over him, that is the ultimate joy for the sexually submissive male.

But in sex generally, even between him and her, the point is, he wants her to take the lead. To obey her every order, to be commanded and never to command. He wants to feel that all the power is hers and none of it his.
It's actually about the relations BETWEEN him and her DURING sex. Certain things that some couples would find 'hot' just aren't. I don't want to hold a woman down and fuck her roughly. It just doesn't do anything for me. I want HER to hold ME down and fuck ME roughly. And preferably slap me in the face while she does so. And if she really wants to arouse me she'll tell me how pathetic I am as she does so. Nothing arouses me more sexually than being totally abused during sex.

Good sex should make you feel unworthy afterwards. You should feel that a goddess has just satiated your needs and given you a reward you didn't deserve. You should feel that if she had a hundred of you, it would not be enough for her. You should feel grateful, grateful for what she gives you and committed to serving the sex goddess in any way you can.

You are submitting to your Goddess.


Anonymous said...

Damn it Crushed!...
Get down on all fours and lick me this instant!

(Do you mean like that luv?) :)

Anonymous said...

Hmm... interesting. I wouldn't have noticed that, but now that you bring it up it sort of seems really obvious. I don't know any males who are submissive, personally (I have my suspicions though), but kind of the reverse, someone who is submissive in real life, but dominant in bed. It just goes to show that there's not much correlation between your sexual preference, and your social life.

Anonymous said...

man alive, but i just hate it when the bad spelling gets in the way of the porn!

"The sounds and the coments of wifes when they fucks. No pictures, no faces, no videos ...just a "REAL" sound off wifes."

yeah. sell it to me why don't you?

Anonymous said...

It's a perfectly natural thing! That's why this legislation being brought in is simply not reasonable. The fact is, that most people involved in this culture are highly intellectual (lots of politicians, lawyers and doctors etc..)

We are normal people!

Here is a good meeting place if you are new. It's UK based (most of these sites are in the US) and free to register. It's an alternative "dating site".

It has some informative discussion boards and has a list of munches (meets).

Sue :)

Anonymous said...

If you like art from the BDSM & D/s culture, Luis Royo (a Spanish artist), is difficult to beat :)

Anonymous said...

Sweet Cheeks- Something like that, yes :)
And if you felt like applying physical force, so much the better...

Akai- People are complex, that's for sure. But I think people who are more inclined to be sexually submissive, the way I describe are often quite socially dominant.

But then again, I remember seeing somewhere that a lot of deep seated Catholics are sexually submissive, because it removes from them the responsibility. One can feel freer in the illicit pleasure because one is being forced.
Maybe it starts there. I think it mixes with other things as well.

A close friend who sharesw this prediliction says a part of it is about pushing boundaries and conquering fear, that it's about using sex as a way to conquer hang ups and feel more secure. Certainly I think the humilation aspect is related to that. The desire to feel the pain of humilation mixed with pleasure.

Projectivist- :)

Here's an odd thing. I find female submissives disconcerting. It feels WRONG to me. Wierd. I want women to treat me like that, but the idea of doing it the other way round, isn't something I'm comfortable with.

Go figure.

Sue- In my experience, yes, generally people into this sort of thing are more intelligent and more interesting than the rest of the population.
But that's because I think way more people WOULD be open to it all, just can't rise above their conditioning.

I'll check the site out :)

Anonymous said...

Well I'm not exactly the submissive type
but at the end of the day us blokes really only get it when they want to let us have it.

After all No means No.
Funny, but come to think of it, it is the women did the pulling in the last few relationships. They seduced, used me and abused me - and disposed of me like a used tampon.

Well not literally. Only kidding - lol

Anonymous said...

Hmm. Considering some of the things that have happened to you, and some of your older posts, this actually clarifies a lot. Don't you think?

Anonymous said...

Quasar- One of the benefits of being male is we can say No and not mean it...

I've sometimes said 'No', but actually allowed myself to be pinned down, because certain other parts of me were silently telling the other party 'Yes'. So they went ahead anyway. And in all honesty, I enjoyed it.

I frequently allow myself to be seduced. To be honest, I'm actually quite easy. Especially for a predatory female.

X-Dell- I think a keen observer could probably spot it anyway. Though I admit people used to viewing things through narrow vision may not have done.

I think a lot of the way I view sex and relationships is caught up in it, certainly. I think I kind of combine a certain Mariolatry with various other things.

I find I kind of worship the idea of a sexually dominant, polyandrous female.

I guess it's as well clarified, in some ways. Especially since it isn't something I'm coy about in real life. Far from it.

Anonymous said...

Well. I know you say you have some anonimity but still I figure it is a brave thing to do a post on. Well done.

More power to you - or maybe her? ^_^ for it.

Still you are very crushed-centric with your "I find female submissives disconcerting. It feels WRONG to me." Sauce for the goose?

Anonymous said...

This is so strange to me, I can't imagine having pleasure this way. I like it both ways: I can have the initiative, or she can. But without humiliation or physical force, that is a total downer. It is probably true that being able to let go of the control in normal life has something to do with it. Can you sit on the backseat of a motorcycle with someone driving really fast?

Anonymous said...

What one finds pleasurable, the other does not. Each to their own and as said in my latest post, you can't argue taste. That is your choice and personal preference. The point I find difficult is not so much peoples differences but those who do not having respect that differences do exist.