Lessons I Have Learned In Life

Sometimes, it's easy to lose sight of the straight path.
Life is full of little detours and little blind alleys.

It's not always easy.

For me, it certainly hasn't been.
I'm guessing the same is true for many of you.

When I was younger, I was something of a compulsive risk taker. In some ways, I still am. But time was, when there was very little thought put into my actions. Take the risk and hope for the best, that was the logic.

I guess it was partly arrogance. I used to think I was a lot cleverer than I actually was. If the cash machine stopped dispensing me money, I'd find some somehow, until I got paid next. You get used to the idea that you never need worry about tomorrow, because you can pretty much handle any crisis.

I used to walk through life blind, just following my own path and damn the consequences. Life was pretty much one long game of roulette.

This way of living accelerated in September 2001, when my then girlfriend had an abortion. I had tried to prevent her, but ultimately supported her when she went to the clinic.
It was while I was there, that the guilt hit me like a hammer.
I felt an accomplice to the murder of my own child.

And I couldn't deal with it.

But I didn't just blame me.
I blamed the society which had made it so easy.
I sat and wallowed in self pity.

Worse. I decided I no longer had any obligation to society.
F**k them and their law.
That became my attitude.



My attitude became 'So it's OK for you to kill my son, but not OK for me to take Ecstasy?'
And I really lost sight of everything.
Obviously, me and my then girlfriend split up.

I then went into a spiral of decline. Not noticeable. I did my job well. But only through daily use of Amphetamine.
Soon, there was only one day a week (Sundays), when I WASN'T putting recreational drugs into my system.
They say admitting you are an addict is the first step to recovery.

That's crap. I knew I was and didn't care.
I had given up all hope of anything meaningful in my life.

I'd be lying if I said I don't have happy memories from that period- I do, many.
One of them being the 2002 World Cup.
And some of the great people I met during that time in my life.

Some were fair weather friends who scuttled off when it all came crashing down.
But the amount of people who stood be me through all that, and the hell that resulted, is something today, I still give thanks for.



Because I got through it all. It wasn't easy. Looking back on at all, I can't believe how stupid I was, how arrogant I was, how self centred I was.

But do you know, I regret none of it.
It taught me lessons I'd never have learned otherwise.

Firstly, life isn't fair. It's consoling to think it is, that good people are rewarded and bad people get what's coming to them, but it doesn't happen like that. Genghis Khan died in his bed.
The fact is bad things happen to good people as much as to bad people, and good things happen to bad people likewise.

I think it IS true, that there is Karma in things. I do think what goes around comes around, but that doesn't always mean it's FAIR.
I don't think I deserved the things that happened to me to happen to me, but I do think I am BETTER for them happening to me, if that makes any sense.

Secondly, self pity and introspection are no use. Every second you waste wallowing in self pity and blaming others around you for the mess you are in, is a second wasted from doing something constructive about it.

Whatever has happened to you, the fact remains this is the only life you are going to have, and it is too precious to waste. Ultimately, whatever has happened to you, only YOU can move on.
Even when you know you have been hard done by, you HAVE to dust yourself down and stand up to face the world, looking it in the eye.

Even when you feel you have no strength left in you.
Look inside yourself, it's there.

Thirdly, you are what you choose to be. People smell fear, like dogs. The weak will go to the wall. It's you who chooses to be weak, it is you who chooses to fear.
If you stop caring about being able to look YOURSELF in the eye in the mirror, you've lost the game.

Sometimes, there are more important things than avoiding pain.
There's keeping your integrity intact.
When your integrity is all you have left, to throw it away, is to allow yourself to be broken.

Fourthly, you will always make mistakes. You will never be perfect.
Because you are not all knowing, you are not all wise and you certainly don't see the whole picture, just the one you see from your own eyes. It's distorted.
It's subjective.
It's a system of nerve impulses designed to stay alive.
You will always make stupid decisions.

Hopefully, you will make less of them as time goes on, but you will still make them.

Fifthly, learn to be at peace with yourself. Now this is the hardest. Because to be at peace with yourself, you have to be able to look at your mistakes and understand them. And really try. Try everyday in everything you do. Be honest about the person you are.
OK, you are never going to buy the Big Issue from the homeless guy, but at least have the decency to feel bad about it.
Look at the suffering that goes on in the world, stop justifying it and be candid enough to admit that you do nothing, because it's easier not to.
But at least be with them in spirit.

And Lastly, most importantly of all.
ALWAYS forgive.
NEVER forget.



I'm a person 100% at peace with who I am.
That doesn't make me perfect, it doesn't make me a shining example of humanity.
I'm still a flesh and blood human being, with hopes and dreams, with strengths and failings.
There is so much I still want from life.

But I know now, I'm on the right road.

And I've never been happier.