Tuesday 30 October 2007

The Next Decade- Downhill All The Way

I guess this post will contain information newer to some of you than others.

Regular readers will spotted that fear of my looming thirties looms large in my life.
It's getting nearer now than I'm comfortable with.

Where did all the good times go?
I was never meant to GET to my thirties, surely?

I guess during the life history of this blog, a dim realisation has started to grow, a nagging feeling has come to the forefront of my head that I really should DO something.
I guess this blog has been part of that.

It has been part of driving me to the crossroads, really.
And now I'm standing at them.

I've never really been one for decisions. I leave them to make themselves, really.
Anything for an easy life.
And I've got it pretty easy.
But now perhaps, I can't put them off much longer.

On the work front, I'm lucky. I have a job I enjoy. But it has recently been made clear to me that, with the company planning to expand, I have two choices.

  1. Continue as now, making the sales and earning a decent bonus, but being shoddy with the paperwork due to lack of sleep and/or hangovers and other ill effects of too much partying, wasting time in the office playing stupid jokes on people and flirting with the female staff, always earning enough to get by because chatting to people is an easy way to earn a living.
  2. Take the job seriously, double my earnings and get to stick the word Director in my job title at some point in the future.

That really is the choice.

The other factors are personal. Again, close readers of the blog may have noticed that during the life of this blog, my flatmate and my best friend the Baker, became an item. It's an unusual situation, currently weekends work out like this, on a four week cycle.
He comes down here one weekend, and we all spend it together.
I go up to Manchester and myself and him go out there.
She goes up to Manchester, I go out either with others, or stay at home.
Myself and my flatmate spend the weekend together.

Well (as a few of you know), a couple of weeks ago my flatmate brought me the news. She came wondering in (as I was blogging in fact) and announced.

'Er Crushed- I've got something to tell you.'
Well, to be honest I HAD kind of guessed.
'You're going to be Uncle Crushed.'

I have to say, I was overjoyed. As happy as she was, actually. We're all going to be a little family.
It means a lot of changes of course- the Baker is going to have to come back down to the Midlands. Fortunately, my line of work does touch on his sector, so I can keep my ear to the ground.
Ultimately of course, they'll need to get a place together. They are going to have a child after all, and I'm sincerely flattered that BOTH of them consider me part of its family. In fact everybody does. I guess people know how close I am to both parties.
Everyone is asking me how it feels to be an uncle.

But of course, this does put a cloud on my horizon.
The Chimney Sweep and I were travelling up to Manchester on Friday to go to a birthday party when, in his wittering way, he raised the issue;

'What are YOU going to do now? I mean, with both me AND (Baker) tied down now, how do you see your future.'

I agreed I was concerned. Not really about my social life, I accepted that the all lads together every other weekend idea was on its last legs really, but that the Baker and my flatmate would live nearby anyway, due to her mother, so I fully expected to see both of them most weekends.

What I am really worried about, is what to do with the spare room in seven months.

I don't like living alone and the extra £250 a month doesn't even go halfway to paying the bills, but it makes a difference. Makes my life easier. And I will really miss her. I feel about her as if she is a sister.
I'd never just get some stranger in. In point of fact I'd not live with another male, I just don't fancy the idea.

The money in fact isn't really a problem. With the Baker settling down, the two of us have both agreed that is high time both of us kicked our more expensive hobbies.
That easily saves £250 a month- more in fact.

The real problem is coming home to an empty flat, night after night.
The obvious answer is the one everyone else has already come up with. But you can't do that JUST to find someone to live with.

I guess the real point, is that I see the road as being two choices.
Now really is the time for me to decide what I want from life, I've put it off too long.
Am I going to go with my heart, or my head?

Do I sell my soul to the devil?

Do I kiss goodbye to youthful dreams, my yearnings, my restless desires- and focus every last scrap of my energy on my sales career?
Or should I follow that nagging voice which tells me to throw that all in and do something...better.

Which way happiness? Which way contentment?


Anonymous said...

I think you probably have the answer to that question in many of your previous posts (including the previous one). Take it from an old and creaky man (who has also earned easy money in the dodgy sales, everyone loves me on the telephone arena), the most important thing is not which decision to make but to actually make one. Life slips by an accelerating pace.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Crushed! You are very lucky to have a job you enjoy, but if you want to keep it, I fear your answer has to be the second option, for we cannot stand still in this life. As for living alone, how do you think I do it, day after day?! It IS possible - you can even get to like it - and you are not without intellectual resources, are you? As for "growing up", you will do that when you are ready. Tempus fugit, Crushed.

Anonymous said...

Go for happiness all the way baby! Find ways to fulfill your dreams and don't stop until you reach them. Let theory and practice collide.

Anonymous said...

Contentment will come from happiness, go for the former.

Anonymous said...

Well I'm a type A personality achiever so I would definitely go for option number two in the career, but then you are you, not me. But I think you already know what you are going to do.

On the flatmate side, you have lots of time to find someone congenial or not, since it's not an absolute priority. Especially if you earn twice as much! Just don't do anything foolish that can't be undone. Being alone is not so bad as living with the wrong person.

I certainly can't agree that the next decade is downhill all the way. The thirties are great years.

Which way happiness? Which way contentment?

You'd be surprised at how much of it comes from within, being content with yourself. For external things make life comfortable but not don't always bring happiness.

Anonymous said...

Paul- Tell me about it. I'm a hopeless decision maker. It's no use asking me what I want for dinner, because all you get is 'Whatever's easiest.'

But I am starting to ponder.

Welshcakes- The voice of common sense and reason, as expected. :)

I don't know, I did live on my own for about a year or so once, I don't think it was good for me.

It's not being able to interact- you know just make a throwaway remark and carry on what you are doing.

Alexys- That's one vote for revolution, then.
As it stands, theory and practise are very far apart, as everyone I know reminds me.

Oestrebunny- I feel like I just asked a question of the Delphic oracle...

jmb- You are certainly right about living with the wrong person.
I wish I DID know what am I going to do. I kepp saying to my flatmate, 'XXX, What should I do', but she points out that I have to make my own decisions here. That's no help, really.

'external things make life comfortable but not don't always bring happiness.'
I agree entirely.

Anonymous said...

I'm not a big fan of crossraods. I like to walk my own path thank you very much.

Maybe go halfway with work. Cut down the partying (just a little) and step up work just a little.

You can get another roomie to ease the transition. Or you could get a dog/cat/other assorted pet. Or you could put yourself out there and start dating. Seriously dating. No more fuckbuddies.

Whatever you chose, think about it long and hard. Then throw away all you've thought about, and go with your gut.

Again. Congrats to your roomie.

Anonymous said...

maybe you should stop spending your money on things you shouldn't (and I don't mean cd's, you know what I mean) and you'd have extra money each month!!!

Anonymous said...

i think everyone, including yourself in prior posts, has answered your question. live life to the fullest, do what makes you happy, and never look back... all we have is today.

Anonymous said...

Crushed, in time these will just be minor decisions. Major decisions are operate and remove or chemotherapy or take a chance... Major decisions involve life and death. Your gf in your twenties made a major decision. These are priority decisions, and unless you're considering suicide to keep from entering your thirties (don't even entertain the conversation) you don't really have a major decision to make. That said, you do need to prioritize. Visit George's blog from 10/30, he had this awesome "Mind-mapping" suggestion, and I am in the process of creating one. It has been immensely rewarding just to see on paper all the projected avenues and paths, and see the patterns that totally indicate priorities.

Don't fear the thirties, you get taken a little more seriously, while you take yourself a little less seriously with each decade.

Anonymous said...

Phish- I've been doing that, and it has certainly paid dividends. The all weekend sessions are a thing of history.
I have been working a lot smarter, and being a lot more tactical.

A dog would be great, but I have no garden for him to roam in by day.

The serious dating route is the one everyone is suggesting- the three people mentioned in the post, my Mum, people at the pub, work colleagues.
But it would be a mistake to find someone for that reason alone.

I'm still not sure how I feel about that. God knows when I WILL know.

I'll pass your congrats on :)

SS- Well, I concede, I lead an expensive lifestyle all round.
But as I said, both me and the Baker are knocking a lot of that on the head.
And I have been very restrained with music buying recently.

Raffi- That seems like sense to me. I've never really looked much further than my next paycheque.

I guess I just want to determine my PURPOSE. What it I plan to live FOR.

Helen- I guess I feel this is crunch time. That the decisions that determine the future are needing a decision NOW.

I will check out George's blog though.

Anonymous said...

I say keep your youthful dreams and your flat. get a dog! Takl about company! You will love it in fact and a dog for walks is a babe magnet for sure! If you lived here I would buy you a weenie dog for your birthday! 30 yrs old. Honey, you are just a baby!

Anonymous said...

Never mind a canine for striking up conversations, borrow the nephew/niece when s/he arrives; it's a cliche, I know, but you'd be amazed how many more complete strangers, who happened to be women, started speaking to me after my daughter arrived.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps this just shows my own personal bias, but I am actually surprised that you are not one for living alone.
I really enjoy living by myself. I, like seemingly you are (or, again, I could be projecting!), am a reasonably social person, so what little time I have in my own space and my own head is a welcome break.

Anonymous said...

You mean you haven't passed them on the first time I sent them?

Anonymous said...

You are lucky to have choices and not just painful nescessity... If I were you I would follow my heart (your heart obviously not mine) and do what you want..

Anonymous said...

I have the answer to one of your problems..... When can my son's move in !!

Anonymous said...

Poody- I haven't got there yet, but it's in the next year, let's just say that.
I'd love a dog, but the flat is empty for so much of the day. They have a dog upstairs, but I come home sometimes and hear him whimpering. It upsets me a bit, actually.

Ian- I suspect babyminder is not one of my talents. My flatmate says I'd leave him/her in the pub by mistake.

Phish- I wasn't supposed to have announced it yet :)

It's OK now, the fact is widely known.

Mutley- What I want is to be nineteen again...

I'm not even sure it's about following your heart- I think its more about conscience.
Do I live to achieve something, or just live to be happy?

Sally- Unfortunately, I have a list of offers which have all been rejected for the same reason- I WON'T live with males. It's OK for a few days, but there is a tendancy for too much laddishness to take over.
That's OK at the pub, not in the home so much.

Anonymous said...

Princes P- Sorry, I missed your comment, No, I get edgy being on my on for too long.
I like my space, but I like it with people around, if you can understand that.
There are a couple of quieter pubs I know where no one will bother me if I just want to stand at the bar.