I must say, I agree.
OK, this week, a bit of political fantasy.
The Man Who Talk to Plants and his son are flying to visit Swaziland.
Unfortunately, the runway is in a state of disrepair as the entire state budget has just been spent on King Mswati III's wedding to three hundred virgins the previous week.
Nasty accident happens and well...
The heir to the throne is now Prince Harry.
Hmmm.
The mood amongst the public swings towards a Republic and a Bill is passed saying that once Her Majesty departs this mortal coil, Britain will become a Republic, with a figurehead President living in Bucks House, fulfilling all the functions Queen Liz fulfilled during her long and glorious reign.
OK, let's have a look at the candidates.
John Major, Conservative
Pushed to find anyone of real substance for the job, the Tories fall back on honest John, who may have been voted out in a landslide in 1997, but at least is seen as a nice guy. The public may feel that as long as he doesn't have to make any real decisions, you couldn't really hope for a nicer guy to represent Blighty across the globe.
Hard to really dislike, has integrity if nothing else, but can he ever regain the loss of respect for him we all felt when we learned that he fell for... Edwina Currie, Uggh!
Peter Mandelson, Labour
Labour actually want to win,but they need a President who can be relied upon to do as he's told by the PM. This rules Blair out, because let's face it, give him the title President and he'll be looking to restore the monarchy again soon.
Though not the Windsors.
So Mandy is dragged back from Brussels, the eternal survivor of British politics, the man who really has had a stab at everything. The one thing you can be sure of with Mandy, is he is Mr Teflon. Throw what you like at him, it doesn't stick.
Paddy Ashdown, Liberal Democrat
The Lib Dem's only true politician of substance, a figure known on the international stage, Paddy is ideal President material. Nauseating, preachy, tedious, but sincere. His heart can bleed for Britain- exactly the man for the job.
Whether President Paddy would be of much help to the ratings of his party at large, is another matter.
Bob Geldoff, Independent
Bob's decided it's time for real change. Britain needs a leader who REALLY represents what they think. Bob knows the British people don't like Mondays, he doesn't need them to tell him why.
Bob really knows how to deal with other heads of state, he knows how to deal with the press, and he can be counted on to support progressive legislation.
The British people can also be assured that he will tell his people exactly what he thinks of his own government. He'll even write his own speeches, maybe put them to music.
Mutley The Dog, United Morris Dancers Party
The surprise unknown candidate from Bridport, Dorset.
Who knows what this candidate will do?
As yet, his manifesto is a dark secret, but he could just be the dark horse in this race...
So, who will be our first President?
Have your say!
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16 comments:
At first I was going to vote for Geldoff only if he agrees to The Boomtown Rats reunion tour. Since that is not likely to happen, I'm going to have to vote for Mutley. He seems very obedient, he likes cheese and he wears a wicked Dot Cotton scarf.
I ran this post a few weeks ago. A brilliant ideas was comeupon. The Queen can be elected president.
Thus there is a smooth transition and everyone feels happy until such a time as she can hand over to Martin Johnson or Iain Dale.
GOOOOOOOO MUTLEY the dog. Who couldnt' trust a cute, faithful little hound?
Our federal elections are on the 24th of November - it's going to be a close one between labour and liberal. But the choices between the men are so damn close. Two white, middle class, conservative (although Mr Rudd from the Labour party did get caught out going to a strip club in New York, which only boosted his popularity)
Both men are earnest and well spoken and well educated and it is just so BORING and same old same old.
I wish the choice of candidates had a bit more spark to them, a bit more of something unique and far-thinking.
Good, you become a republic then we can be one too, for I am definitely a republican for Canada and Australia.
Why are there no women among your choices for President? Back to the drawing board please.
You are fully aware that the dog is going to win, yes?
Thats a full frontal shot of me - no wonder I am picking up support! I think we should have shots of all the other candidates similarly attired!!
You have just summed up an excellent argument for keeping the current setup...
Mutley because he has the same lino as I have in my bathroom.
I am liking the dog candidate.
Alexys- I think he'll make an excellent President. I must admit I don't mind Geldoff too much, but he can grate sometimes.
CityUn- I know, I did see your post, consider this a less serious version, more in the realms of fantast possibilities.
Betty- May I recoomend the interesting game over at Adelaide Green Porridge Cafe where you get to bash the leaders over the head for points?
Over here we have NuLab and BlyLab, all spin and no substance. It's either that or vote for nutters.
jmb- There are no women choices on the list because, since Thatcher, no political party has actually promoted women high enough. Aside from Thatcher, Market Beckett is the first Woman to hold a leading office of State. So we can expect a presidential election to be male dominated.
Unless Germaine Greer stands- Hmmm. Might even vote for her.
Princess P- I suspect he might. He seems to get good poll ratings here.
This country is going to get interesting...
Mutley- I think Many volunteered, Bob was game, but John and Paddy less enamoured.
Maybe a nude TV debate on question Time?
Phil- It is a tricky one isn't it? The idea of Charles as head of state makes me cringe, but then again, President Mandy...
Ed- A wise choice, or not, we shall see.
I believe he is strongly supported by the radioactive howler monkey community.
Poody- This could be a landslide...
So far Geldoff's in a distant second and Messrs Major, Mandelson and Ashdown really need to get their supporters out.
Definitely Mutley!
No prizes for guessing who people would vote for but why was he placed at the end?
paddy ashdown scored my vote. i'm a lib dem anyway, and he's a fellow redhead so what more can i say :o)
Hmmm... I voted and found almost everyone else voted the same way (and just to be perverse, felt like changing my vote - except that I don't know any of the other candidates ;-)). Shows you the average voters mindset, perhaps ;-)
Welshcakes- He seems to be doing well, doesn't he?
It'll be good publicity for BP!
James- It's the traditional layout. Look at any election guide. Convention lists the parties; Con, Lab, LD, others.
SS- Yes, but in real life I'm not sure the results declared bear strict ressemblance to votes cast. Even in the UK.
Eve- It does mean no second round will be needed, I think.
You voted with your heart, Eve. That's always good.
Ha! I voted for be boppin Bob Geldoff! I trust musicians more than I do politicians. Besides he isn't as bad as Keith Richards but comes in a dead second heat in the looks dept, lol
musicians have more power, wonderin thnkin ponderin?
ta
hb~
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