Female Friends

I guess people really are what's important to me.
People are my life strategy, as others use their careers as a life strategy.

Mine is to live off my relationships with other people. My personal relationships with other people are the main thing in life I care about. It means a focus on BOTH quality AND quantity.

I want a small circle of people I can trust, and a larger circle that I at least can have influence over to protect my interests.
That, put simply, is my life strategy. And it works.

It means, put bluntly, trusting a tiny number of people and splitting your trust between them. It means getting a much wider circle to trust you implicitly, whereas you guard yourself against them.

They can trust you, you won't in fact let them down. They are right to trust you. But you don't know whether the reverse is true, so let them prove themselves.
And if they do show they pass the test- and the fact of life, most will never face such a test, you will let them in.

It really takes a lot of proof for me to add you to the small circle of trusted people. That list doesn't contain a single member of my family, so admittance is rare.

With blokes, it's simple enough. Generally I'll trust you if I'm comfortable that either there's been a tacit acceptance of a position of dominance on my part, or that I sincerely believe that I can trust you to always tell me the truth and always put yourself out if need be in my best interests, without my having to cajole.

My closest friends are in the second category.
Generally speaking, as a rule, I clash with other strong male personalities. We may appear friendly enough, but we will always be playing oneupmanship.

I often say, and it's true, if brutal; 'I am actually a nice person- but only because I can afford to be.' I can get through life being nice, so I do.

Female friends are different to male friends. In some ways, they are as important to me. I value my female friends.
Here the test is different. Here, I'm looking for different qualities. I want to know whether or not you can have my best interests at heart without there being anything sexual between us.

Until I'm sure of that, I daren't let you in.
If I'm assured of that, I can trust you.



It's interesting that most of my close female friendships have begun the same way. Generally, they are females who have rejected my sexual advances.
Doing so, has only heightened the game for me, till I have seen the greater prize at stake, then really pushed their resistance, till I'm satisfied I can trust them. They can't betray my trust, because the friendship can't be ruined by sex. Therefore, it's safe.

More importantly, they aren't going to have a problem with you're having other female friends.
I cannnot explain how valuable to me having several close female friends is. Half of the population are female- it's good to get balanced female perspective on things.

I seem to be lucky of late, having come across two women I can honestly say I allow in to that category. One has already been posted on, and I haven't met her, or actually ever spoken to her, but she means a lot to me all the same, the other is a work colleague.

Do you know why?
I've flirted with her for months. But I knew I could trust her after this conversation;

Crushed: You know I love you, don't you Dizzie?
Dizzy: No Crushed, I know you don't.
Crushed: How do you know? I COULD be being serious...
Dizzy: No, because then you wouldn't say it. I can tell that much about you. If it ever really did hit you, you'd pretend it didn't.

Hmmm. Insight. That's good, because even I never quite twigged that. I think I've often convinced myself it was Love, when it can't really have been. So many people tell me I've never actually been in love. Maybe they're right.

Crushed: You're good. It passes the time, though doesn't it?

She looked round at the others in the office.

Dizzy: THEY don't know that though, do they?
Crushed : That's why I do it. It amuses me and it keeps them talking, keeps their eye off the ball. It's a kind of diversion tactic, keeps me out of office politics. I always like to keep someone in the office as a focus for my need to flirt.
Dizzy: I know that, Crushed. I've always known it.

And since then, we've been way more than cool. In fact I've been on the warpath on her behalf- I wasn't happy about the way she got spoken to last week in front of the rest of the office, so I went and had it out with the Director responsible.

I get very protective about those I consider my friends.

Talking to her since at the pub, has been amazing. It's a type of female friend I've always wanted. Dizzy, but gets me. Older, in a big sister kind of way.
Understands that really, I DO need looking after, and when I ask for advice from her, I mean it.

On Monday when I came in, she said something really sweet.
Dizzy: You're not like the rest of them, are you?
Crushed: In what way?
Dizzy: You're not just a follower.
Crushed: No. You know that anyway. Why?
Dizzy: I'll talk to you later.



It's nice to have that.
I trust her. It's good to have women in your life you can trust that way.

That's worth WAY more than sex.
I'd choose that sort of friendship over sex any day.

So, to Female Friends, from Crushed;

Happy Valentine's Day.