Wednesday 20 August 2008

I Wish You Could See Youself Through My Eyes

I wish you could.

Because in my eyes you're not 'nothing special'.

In my eyes you're not 'just a girl'.

I wish you could feel the warm rush and the cold butterflies that mingle together as I think about you at work.

You say you need to learn to love yourself first.
Perhaps you do.

But not too much.
Because there is something about your self effacing refusal to see your own beauty that makes me love you more.
But you don't even love yourself enough to believe you could be loved.

And that's the problem.

I don't know what you see when you look at yourself in the mirror.
But it's not what I see.

You carry too much pain for one so young, too much self loathing. At once so worldly and cynical, and yet, so fragile and innocent.

You judge. Not others, but yourself. And never was Minos so harsh.

I see...

I see the prettiest girl I've ever seen. You think you're hard? Not your eyes and not your smile.
Your eyes show your intelligence, your smile shows your heart.

And in there beats a heart. You kid yourself it's cold.
It's not.

I just don't think you have the heat pointed towards yourself.

Oh, there's those who wear their hearts on their sleeves and no, you don't do that. Because yours is too fragile, I think, for it survive there. So you guard it well, behind its iron rails. But beat it does, and it beats with a purity and integrity which others who trumpet theirs so much would do well to witness.

I don't think I've ever met anyone quite like you.

I admire your intelligence, I admire your dry wit, your quirky phraseology. A heroine of a nineteenth century novel, perhaps.

We talk for hours sometimes. And I don't think I've ever once been bored by it.

I never feel awkward with you, I've never argued with you, never felt angry towards you, never been fed up of you.
I miss you when you're not around.

I miss the solitary 'Ok' I get after going on at length about nothing at all in particular.
I like the fact you just say 'Ok'. I like the fact that everything you say is always true. I like the fact that 'Ok' means what it says. That you're Ok with what I said and if you had something to say, you'd say it. But you don't. And that is an integrity hard to find.

I'm amazed by the way you always know how to handle me, that you can predict my general mood from little things. I'm amazed at the ease of understanding that exists between us. I'm amazed that in nine months we've never really fallen out, though as you say, we disagree on so much.

You don't hurt me. And I know you never would. You actually do take care of me in a way no one else ever has. Sometimes I think you almost do know how my mind works. And it doesn't actually bother me.

I have never really felt distant from you. Never felt the need to hide things from you, never felt that you were trying to push me, never felt uncomfortable at anything you have ever done.
You're one of a few people I actually feel comfortable telling everything to.

You always make me feel GOOD. Good about myself, good about life, good about everything.

Because I'm lucky. Bloody lucky. Lucky to be the one who can see how amazing you are. Lucky to have as good a friend as I do in you. Lucky to have you play the part in my life that you do. Getting to love you really is a privilege. I really can't ask any more than that. I'm blessed already in having you as a friend, and double blessed that you at least let me love you. Anything more would be a bonus, but I have this sense that asking for me is the kind of presumption God throws lightning bolts at you for :)

I wish, I wish a lot of things. Not all of them can be true perhaps. Not all of them are realistic. I suppose the best way I can put it is, I know what I WISH would make you happy, but more importantly, I just want you to be happy.

You are and will always be one of the most important people in the world to me.

You already give me, every day, more than any other woman in the world could ever give me.

That I believe.

I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.

Then you'd know why it is, that it's you I love.


Anonymous said...

Ok I know that this is a very cheesy and typical gurley reaction, but all I can say is “awwwwwwwwwwww”!

That was probably one of the sweetest thing I have ever heard. You don’t need to write a complicated extravagant poem or use flashy words to make something sweet – sincerity is all what you need.

Miss Jane Doe can consider herself being blessed, being loved and cherished by you as she is. I believe it is a human need to bee seen and understood, and from what I can tell, that’s exactly what you are doing.


Anonymous said...

Ps. I do realize it might be all fiction, but I’m using my power as the audience to interpret this art however I please – and I’m saying its real! Don’t kill my dream now ok. :p

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Crushie's got a GIRLFRIEND!!

Cute post Crushed.. xx

Anonymous said...

See, now THERE is the sorta stuff you need to be saying - not chatting up slappers at 2am in a pub! :))

In all seriousness, that was one of the more lovelier things I've read.

Anonymous said...

Wow, that is so so so so beautiful.
One of your best, really.
And the title, too... superb.
Gonna save this :-)

Anonymous said...

Crashie- I think so, yes.

I don't know she'd be blessed, cursed maybe :)

OK, I won't tell you if its fact or fiction :)

Gilbert- You'll have to repeat the question. I only got the fact it was a question.

Kimba- Don't jump to conclusions :)

It was written about someone cute :)

Kate- Yes, I know that.

I think you do feel better for saying these things sometimes. Better for the other party hearing them, and better in yourself for feeling them.

I just re-read it and thought 'Maybe I'm not a TOTAL bastard...'

Eve- Glad you liked it :)

To be honest, not that much thought went into it. It was pretty much a stream of consciousness.

Anonymous said...

It is just lovely :)

Anonymous said...

Aaaah... Now why can't you think like this more often. *smiles*

Anonymous said...

I knew it, there does beat a heart with feelings :)