Thursday 4 September 2008


I wonder, do we all fight that inner battle between loathing our form and striving to be our own aesthetic ideal?

And are the ideals we hold in themselves flawed to others?

To me, this looks about right.

Right now, my figure satisfies my aesthetic ideals of what it SHOULD look like.

But is it, perhaps, obsession with fulfilling an aesthetic ideal, that is in fact actually unhealthy?

Because believe it or not, a part of me actually wants to lose more weight.
Though I know that really, it would be damaging to do so.


Anonymous said...

What you need, is a burger.


Anonymous said...

I have gone past worrying about ideals!

Anonymous said...

Remember the old song ?

"You are not as fat as you look."

In twenty years time you'll marvel at how good you looked and wondered why on earth you didn't make the most of it.

Anonymous said...

Well as long as you are happy, don't try to please anyone but yourself.

I make myself perfect in Second Life. I'm five feet nine there with a good body and legs, within SL's limitations. Always perfectly groomed and clothed.

Anonymous said...

I have the authority to confirm electro-kevin's words, as I am almost five years older than you will be in twenty years' time. :)

Anonymous said...

Food and withholding food is a form of power over our bodies and a sense of control (or out of control) in our world. I just mean that you are already, obviously, a very slim person. Wanting to get even thinner when you know it is not required suggests that there is a conflict within yourself - some meaning in being very thin. I guess you've got to figure out what it means for you.
I hope that this wasn't too preachy because I really didn't mean it to be.

Anonymous said...

Bunny- One of my closest friends in the world asked me to eat not one but three burgers tonight.

I have, and they're still held down, :)

CherryPie- I wish I could. I can't. I spend way too much time obsessing about visual image. Though not quite as much as I did in my early twenties. My monthly cosmetics bill has probably halved by hundred quid a month to fifty quid a month, but I've started stressing now that one day I may have to shell out on Minoxodil. Let's just say, I don't think I'd be able to handle that situation. There is a real danger I'd get morbid if it came to pass.

EK- I'm aware in some ways that I still have quite a good body for my age, certainly better than a lot of my contemporaries.

I think I do make the most of it, whatever that means.

If you mean 'If you got it, flaunt it', Yeah I do, shamelessly.

It buys me sex, not the love of a good woman.

jmb- I look like the ideal of what I think a man should look like, yes. Happy? Am I fuck.

Where does this ideal come from? Do I strive for a genuine ideal, or just an ideal that serves an idealised version of what i can live up to?

Did I decide I could live up to heroin chic androgynous waif and just strive to be that because it was easily doable?

Because I've been happiest in life most when I've met that ideal. As I do now.

But happiest isn't happy.

Sean- that tooka while to suss...

Believe it or not, my maths is crap. For two minutes I had you as 90 there, before I reached the fact you meant 55...

Kate- Power, I think, is the key. I am a control freak in some ways, and this is an area where it shows. There is also the whole attraction to ascetisim thing going on, and since I'm crap at being ascetic in terms of sex and drugs, I guess I've always found it easier to express that need to fulfill those ascetic self-denial urges in terms of food.

It really is a powerful urge, the need to deny yourself SOMETHING and it's one I strongly feel, the idea that if you're not denying yourself something somewhere, you're somehow not quite playing the game. It's entirely a conditioned impulse, I realise, but it's hard to shake, nevertheless.

Anonymous said...

I'd shag you.

Anonymous said...

I am taking you for a curry and six pints....

Anonymous said...

If you'll lose any more weight, you'll end up like "Achmed"


Anonymous said...

Kimba- You'd regret it in the morning. :)

Mutley- Sounds good, it always does.

I think I take in a fair amount of pints already though. I had six on Friday (at least) and six yesreday...

Pints I get through many...

Crashie- You have an obsession with this Achmed don't you?

He seems to turn up a lot, I've noticed...

Anonymous said...

Hmm, I think you look good :-)

Hmm, as for burgers, I'd say if you have 2 a day, one for lunch and one for dinner, and don't throw them up, that will be fine; you can maintain your figure that way, plus save your throat from the acidic stomach contents :-)