Baby After Two Weeks

I must admit to finding Baby fascinating.
Woe betide that I'm simply studying her for the purpose of writing about her, but let's face it, that was bound to happen.

She's the first case I'll ever have of actually following, step by step, human cognitive development.

Really, she is tiny. Until you actually hold her, it's hard to believe she's real. But perfectly formed. She has dry skin, but apparently Olive oil does the trick.

Babies aren't as difficult as I thought they would be. She doesn't cry when I hold her, though it does worry me sometimes, well not so much worry, but slightly disconcert me when I contemplate what she's living through right now. Because you can see it in her eyes.

Fear.
Apprehension.
What's all this that's happening?

Because that's what her life is like right now. There's a sound reason why the human brain pretty much wipes the memory in full shortly before the third birthday. What the human brain has just been through, is pretty traumatic. We don't need to carry through life the memories of how our brains first started to master things.

Every day is full of strange new experiences for her. And she's utterly helpless. It took her two days to realise that the way to stop the pain in her stomach was to put her mouth round the teat of the bottle. All these sights, these sounds. Lot's of things in front of her to master that are going to be traumatic.

So far, she can pull her mittens off by herself. After ten days, I think that shows quite a bit of cognitive intelligence. But I reflect on just how big a step working out how to use those limbs of hers is going to be.

God, it must all be total confusion. Not just WHO are we, WHAT are we? Does she even have an idea yet she's one of us? I'm not sure she does. She focuses, all well and good. And going and singing, 'Who's a nicey, wicey little *******, who's a nicey wicey little babe?', all gets her gurgling and smiling, and she responds well to being stroked on the cheek, and having her nose poked, so I guess she does respond to bonding. I think that this point it really is purely rudimentary. Her thought processes really are at the start.

Each thought we have is the result of all the ones that went before. Well, she's at the start. Right now, she can't really distinguish between people. And to be fair, she hasn't met many yet.

When you hold her, it's as if she really is just made of flesh, with no bones inside. She's so soft, but so warm to the touch.

And I look at her and think, I'm sure it's not much fun being a small person, but it's sad to think that one day you'll be a big person.

That you're going to be messed around by men, you're going to get hurt, you're going to make mistakes, you're going to have people do horrible things to you, use you, and you're going to do all those things back.

That one day you won't be an innocent baby in my arms, you'll be a hardened, calloused, cynical, adult.
Just like we all are.

And I find that so sad.