Sunday 20 January 2008

Cult Update

It's been a while since I updated you all on the evil plot.

I visited my underground city this weekend. Sadly, work on the illuminated map of the world dome with flashing bulbs for my office has been delayed.

The temple is fully constructed, as you can see in the above clip.

Recruitment goes on fullscale, 3,279 maidens having been recruited so far.
Part of the induction is shown in the clip below.

The Nuclear missiles are in place, but I'm having distinct trouble finding blokes with metal teeth or bladed hats to fill the position of evil henchman.

This being an evil cult leader business isn't all it's cracked up to be you know.
You try getting a decent pint of Tetleys in Burkina Faso!

Also I'm finding these brainwished devotees a little dull in conversation. Everything I say, they just intone 'Crushed is our master'.
It's a little disconcerting to say the least.

Still, nothing to fear but Mr Bond himself.
(I'm doing an evil cackle now, just so you all know)

I've not quite got the hang of it yet.


Anonymous said...

Cool bananas, where do I sign up? I have always fancied myself as a hunchbacked henchman, snicker snicker,

Anonymous said...

Actually, headshaving would be a good ritual for a cult leader. It segregates the subject (especially women) from the bulk of society, and it strips the subject of her or his individuality.

If you've got that many maidens, you must have chopped a lot of hair in your time. That you find time for that and completing the underworld city--I tip my hat to you.

Anonymous said...

I'm surprised you have even one maiden if hair shaving is involved.

Anonymous said...

I dont actually have metal teeth - but I do have some fillings. Can I fill in for a bit? I would not like to be a goon though - as they are always killed in droves...

Anonymous said...

I am quite good at doing that “Just when you thought it was safe…” Movie trailer voice.

Maybe you could use it in your propaganda.

Anonymous said...

Paul- Are you any good at fighting secret agents on the roofs of cable cars?

And do you have sinister looking shades?

X-dell- Ah well, I leave most of it to my army of midgets (did I forget to mention them?)

I'm a little preoccupied with the tunnel I'm building from Ougadouga to right underneath the UN building in New York.

jmb- All clever brainwashing. It really is true, any female between 18 and 50 who accidently reads this blog will fall into a trance from which they can only be shaken by a Witchfinder General.

Mutley- If you are the leading henchman, you often get to survive the arrival of Mr Bond. As long as you are more of a Nicknack than an Oddjob.

But Nicknack's cool. 'Where Ees your Golden gum, Mistah Scaramangah, where ees your golden gun?'

Phil- I was thinking more on the lines of sublimnal clips in my Youtube downloads.
Didn't you see the one in the bond clip, where I emerge in hooded robes, intoning 'COME TO ME COME TO CRUSHED AND LIVE FOREVER'

Ah! See how successful it is?

Anonymous said...

No, I am terrible at both but excellent at muttering under my breath and rubbing my hands together sinisterly, whilst nodding ,"Yes Master, another maiden, right away,

Anonymous said...

I have a lotta vaginas, can I be her?

Anonymous said...

Again, I am torn apart that I have not been deemed a recruitable maiden.

Anonymous said...

Crushed, I think you will now need to keep a torch and some green cellophane handy about your person at all times to shine up at your face from just under your chin in order to look sinister as and when it might enhance your reputation as an evil overlord genius.

A suitable torch could also double up as a Darth Vader light sabre, if you can manage the noises. Shzzzzuummmm zummm…

Anonymous said...

Paul- You qualify for a position in my Research, Development and Total Global Annihilation division.

Betty- Of course. Julius Scaramanga had a supernumery nipple. This exactly what we need.

Princess P- If you go to your mailbox, I have sent you a tape. Put it on as you go to sleep.

Phil- I've decided to go for the General Bison look. Big red uniform.

That way, Kylie might show up.