Friday 3 August 2007
The Chimney Sweep- One of the Best
I'm not rich, I'm not married to Tyra Banks (yet), I do not have a high flying career and I'm a fairly average guy, really.
But in one sense I am very lucky indeed.
Many people don't have anyone at all in their life who truly cares.
A person who they can always rely on, who they never have to hide things from, who they can talk to about everything.
I have three.
All of whom matter to me in a very important way.
One is my flatmate.
The other two have been my friends for ten and nine years, respectively.
The Baker and The Chimney Sweep.
We all originally met at university. Myself and The Baker lived in the same halls in the first year and we got to know eachother through potsmoking, put bluntly. We did a lot of it back then. We weren't the only ones in our little group of wasters.
But after a while, we found we were generally the ones that were still conscious after several hours, having long, in depth discussions over the causes of the Cold War.
In the Second Year, we met The Chimney Sweep, who was doing his MA, and was a couple of years older- The Baker is between both of us, because he had a gap year.
As I say, at this point there were others in the group- the 'lads', in it's widest sense, as in 'All the lads are going', was about fifteen of us.
But there cliques within cliques, and some of the fifteen hated the guts of others, whilst some sections formed tight knit circles within.
The last time I saw EVERYBODY, was at a party to celebrate one of the 'lads' going off to join the Marines.
During the third year, the 'lads' were really three interconnected groups. We all lived in separate houses. The Chimney Sweep had become part of our little group by then.
And he was a great housemate.
He has a heart of gold. This really is a guy who is one hundred percent malice free. He will do anything for you. But not much common sense.
And, most people agree, he does talk an unbelievable amount of crap. Not as in, it's not true, merely, it's just drivel for the sake of drivelling.
The Chimney Sweep will not tell you in two sentences what he can tell you in fifty.
Sometimes the only way to stop him, is to tell him to shut up.
Not much tact either. I have taken train journeys with him, where the loudness of his wittering, aided by much lager, has completely destroyed any credibility I hoped to have with other passengers.
In fact over the years, he's done a lot of pretty stupid things, because he doesn't always think things through very far. His logic can sometimes be scarily childlike.
But the intent is always there. He puts the important people in his life first. He's just the nicest guy you could hope to meet.
And I'm honoured to consider him one of my closest friends.
Like with The Baker, we've never lost contact, never gone long periods of time without spending time with eachother.
If you're wondering why I refer to him as The Chimney Sweep, the reason is, we do sometimes call him that. The story behind it is pretty lame.
He was standing up drivelling on about something, and for some unknown reason, was holding a broom.
No one quite knows why.
Someone said 'Shut up, you chimney sweep.'
That's it.
Possibly the most boring story ever of how someone acquired a nickname.
The Baker, I refer to as The Baker, because he works for a bakery.
Though not as a baker.
He's the Pilsbury Dough Boy.
The three of us were together the night the Chimney Sweep met his future wife- a year ago tomorrow- it was his birthday. Tomorrow I shall be at this year's birthday.
Her sister was with her, and I'll be honest, her sister is about as attractive as a woman can get.
Keisha Buchanan, only darker, and with long, slender, inviting limbs.
We ended up all meeting in a pub. We discovered they were from Zimbabwe. The Chimney Sweep always thanks me for this opener- even though I didn't have him in mind at the time, but we impressed initially, because I correctly guessed they were Mashona (Yes, I have done an extensive study of African women).
From that time on, their love blossomed. And the future Mrs Chimney Sweep continually aided the coming together of her sister with myself.
This was what aroused my initial suspicion.
She knew exactly what sort of person I am, The Chimney Sweep would have filled in the blanks for her.
Hardly the sort of person to encourage your sister to seduce.
To me, it screamed ulterior motive.
Or it did when I allowed blood to pump back into my brain from where these girls seemed to want my thoughts to be controlled.
The Chimney Sweep doesn't know this, but I confronted his future wife about her intentions.
I stated point blank, that the right to permanent residence at least had to be icing on the cake, were she to settle down with my mate.
I simply wanted to know which was the icing, and which the cake.
I asked her if she encouraged her sister towards me in the belief I had money. I don't.
I think at this point, she believed I was offering a deal to turn a blind eye and/or help get her sister into the country.
She didn't keep her eye on the ball here. I had her, I'm sure.
I said 'Basically, I just want to know that we're both on the same side here. Do we both want what's best?'
Now here's what she missed. The question is ambiguous.
HOW you take it, depends on what conversation, you thought you just had.
A girl with no ulterior motive, thinks the question is 'Do we both care for X in our own way?'
A girl with an ulterior motive thinks the question is 'Do we have a deal?'
The response to both questions is 'Yes'.
The mode of delivery is different.
The first question gets a comfortable smile and a handsqueeze.
The second gets a knowing eyeflash.
I know what I got.
I kept this to myself.
Then at New Year, after much excess, The Baker and Myself got to talking. I was trying to speak positively about The Chimney Sweep and his future wife moving in together.
And The Baker voiced his frank opinions on the subject.
Turned out he'd done a similar thing as I had, and got the same result.
So yes.
Both myself and The Baker are going to have to watch ourselves tomorrow. Because we're both feeling very protective right now towards our friend.
And we don't trust her an inch.
And I know damn well we're right.
She is screwing him.
And don't think I'll let it go.
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22 comments:
Oh no....! Save him....!
Yes, from this post, he does sound entirely lovable (and gullible). Interesting that both of you confronted the girls... looks like you may be right....
It's complicated, though, unless you can find some solid proof (bug the girl or something, then let him hear the conversation). If not, he's already ready to be married; it'll be hard to shake him.
Wishing you success....('cos really, she just has to stay with him 5 years, then she can divorce him and make a profit. Tell him about the Thai wives; that's a trick I've learn from a guy with one, who had friends who've tried it; many Englishmen seem to marry Thai wives)
Nice tribute to your friend. I find that men bond faster and last longer as opposed to women whose friendship can break up over a man. It's really nice to see that men can share deep love and respect for each other without being embarrassed. They say that married men live longer than single men, so it looks like if you want to live forever you have to get married. ;D
Wow, that is deep!
alexys
Oh dear, I'd better get a move on
you are lucky to have such good friends. I take it he does not read your blog? nor does she?
It is proper to look after your friend, but do be careful not to lose him in the process.
Eve- We've been trying a while. He sprung this wedding on us Tuesday night.
There's not a lot can be done now.
But we will be watching.
The baker isn't coming to his birthday till late, because he wants to avoid being at the meal itself. He doesn't trust himself not to do something silly.
Alexys- Men bond in a way women do not do, even to their closest friends, I've noticed.
Women tend to distance themselves from their friends when they have a man, men don't. Their friendship bonds are as strong as family- stonger in my case, indeed The Baker and I are almost eachother's family, we're neither of us close to our own blood relatives, and spend half our wekends in eachothers company, even when we are attached to members of the opposite sex and despite the fact we live a hundred miles apart
Women can sometimes find this hard to comprehend.
Men evolved to hunt in tight knit groups, of course.
Women evolved to orient themselves to family.
Cazzie- If the people in your life with whom you feel a hundred percent comfortable aren't the most important thing in it, then you miss the best bits of life.
Friendship is funny. In life you get what you give.
If you give expecting to get, you get what you expected. Most of, treat most people that way; its conditional.
But if you find people where you are able to be unconditional, to give everything, without expecting, in some funny kind of way, you get back a hundred times what you put in.
Friends are priceless.
Jeremy- For long my philosophy was 'Live fast, Die Young, Leave a good looking corpse.'
I acheived the first, it's way too late for the other two now...
Lady M- The Chimney Sweep doesn't know the URL. He knows the blog exists.
The Baker and my flatmate are the only people I know in the flesh who know I have a blog with this title, There are posts I have run by them. My flatmate did dissuade me once from posting a picture that might have offended.
Most of my more controversial posts have been read by at least one of them.
I dare say our friendship will carry on OK, though I suspect she'll try to encourage him to avoid spending too much time with his irresponsible, reckless, high living friends.
He is blinded my obsession right now and doesnt realize what kind of wench this girl seems to be! But you are walking a fine line between being a good friend and butting into his relationship. You dont want to loose his friendship over this adn you dont want him to be used and hurt either...you are in a really tough spot right now...proceed with caution!
I hope you guys all have a really really good time...make his birthday really special!
Hmmmm.
Oh! Now I know how he got his name! You describe the easy friendships of university very well, Crushed. I say "easy" but I find a lot of them have lasted 39 years. You can just "pick up" with these friends and it's as though there has been no gap because you shared your youth. Does the CS not read your blog, though? He sounds lovely and, as I've said before, he doesn't deserve to get hurt. I'm glad he has you to look out for him. Just one thing, though - sometimes we WANT love to be blind and we resent those who would have us face the truth.
You're lucky to have such loyal and sincere friends. If you're right about the intentions of your friend's wife-to-be, I hope he sees it himself before it's too late.
You know as well as I do that you can't talk sense into people when it comes to romantic relationships. They just have to see it themselves.
.....and I thought I was the only person who had a mind that worked like this.
I've watched too many of my friends get screwed over the years.
Tricky because it's one of those situations where you're damned whichever way you play it.
Good Luck.
Jenny- He did have a good birthday- it was a great party.
I had a good chance to have quite a deep chat with his sister.
I'm hoping all will be OK, Mrs Chimney Sweep gave a long speech about how much she valued The Baker and me, but how much this was designed to lull us, I don't know.
We've started planning his stag do.
Lotd TRP- Is that 'Hmmmmmmmm I should be concerned', or 'Hmmmmmmm I should let them get on with it'?
Welshcakes- There are conversations and in-jokes we have had going for years.
He knows I have a blog, but he doesn't really know what blogging is. His sister has asked me for the URL sometimes.
The Baker and my flatmate know the URL.
I have had one relatively frank conversation with him about this, some months back.
There's no need to cause aggro about this, we all get on fine.
But I still watch.
Ruthie- Like I say, the visa has got to be icing on the cake.
But as long as my mate is still cake, and not icing, everything is fine.
If you could have seen him in the restaurant yesterday writing sweet nothings to ger on the paper table covering, you would have smiled.
He's in love.
I hope she is too.
I want to be wrong, Ruthie. I really do.
Merlin- I think there is a way to play it, which is what we are doing now. Give him full support and stay in his life.
That's all we can do.
I'm actually on good terms with Mrs Chimney Sweep, she goes out of her way to keep me on side.
In Poland, a chimney sweeper symbolizes good luck, fortune and wealth - when seeing one on the street, you grab hold of one of your buttons till you no longer can see the sweeper, and all good's coming your way!
Just a cultural sidenote... ;)
Glad his birthday was a hit!
You never know, she might love him as well as wanting a visa.
Heart- We don't really have many in the UK now, because no one has coal fires.
Didn't see you as superstitious :)
Jenny- He was a happy boy. There were some real good people there, some I've not seen in years.
Ed- I agree, but what are the proportions?
cbi, didn't you write about this before? And I thought you'd ascertained that the motives were good. I must have misunderstood then.
You could kidnap him on his stag do in Blackpool. Just kidding. Like Ruthie says, you can't talk sense into people; they have to discover it for themselves. Just be there to pick up the pieces.
I hope she loves him not the idea of staying in europe. If you think you are right, then help him before it's too late but since they are moving together not getting married then your friend might figure it out on his own.:)
Liz- I did ask him if he'd seen 'Staggered'.
He hadn't.
Kizzie- They moved in together at New Years.
They got engaged last Tuesday and are due to marry on September 9th, THIS YEAR in Zimbabwe.
She had basically said that she was going off to be a nurse in China, but was dissuaded by a timely marriage proposal.
My first marriage was primarily to be able to stay in America, which I did for over 10 years. I got a Green Card and we stayed married for over 10 years. It was a convenience at the time since that was pretty much the only way I could stay in the US.
My second marriage has allowed me to stay in Australia, although we lived elsewhere.
I would imagine that genuinely fake marriages would be very hard work. I can remember seeing some very odd combinations of very small hispanic men and older obese and ugly women when I went for my immigration interview in the US. At that time the Green Card was for life baby.
I just wanted to add that although almost all your posts are long...it's very smart of you to add pictures:) I should do so when I write long posts!
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