Forgive Them Lord, They Know Not What They Do

One of the things D had to put up with when she lived with me in this flat were my occasional impassioned outbursts, (For the benefit of newer readers, D was my former flatmate with whom I lived in a state of platonic friendship).

D got used to the fact that most of the time I'm at home I'm busy. She used to watch TV, whilst I blogged. Then she'd use the PC to go on Myspace whilst I went to the pub. But we'd probably chat for a bit every night.

One thing we always did, was we never went for a cigarette separately. We'd always go out together. And she'd always give me warning in case I planned to smoke something stronger.

And we'd often sit out on the steps for about twenty minutes or so drinking our tea, D smoking cigarettes, me smoking joints.

And from time to time, I'd launch off into something impassioned. And occasionally D would have to calm me down a bit.
This occasion was one.

Crushed: You not seen the 'Passion of Christ', have you?'

D: No, chick. Not really my sort of thing.

Crushed: You're not Catholic, that's why. I saw it at the multiscreen one on Broad Street. With this Brazilian bird. I'll tell you what, it's one of them films. When I got there, I'd come straight from work and I really needed the loo. But I kind of forgot about that all the way through. Didn't remember I needed the loo till the end. Seriously, I forgot my bladder for well over two hours.

D: We could get it out on DVD if you want?

Crushed: We could. I've seen it about four times since though. Amazing film. You really feel you were there. I mean, it may not actually be how it happened, but you feel it was. It's in real time, if you get my drift. I mean, not quite in real time, but it progresses without cutting.

D: We'll get it out then.

Crushed: (thinking) You know, the thing that struck me was the juxtaposition. I mean, you see him getting whipped and scourged and then you see Mary Magdalene wiping up the blood, then she has a flashback to 'He who is without sin cast the first stone' and then tears fall from her eye. It's moving, it really is. You can't help thinking 'They killed him. Killed him for saying that'.



And then I sat and smoked for a bit. D didn't really know what to say.

Crushed: It's a bit of a headfuck, actually, watching it. Because so many things go through your mind. Because you're looking at him and your soul vibrates, it does, because of what they're putting him through, and you see it, you see it, but you know, you know he changed the world by doing it, he did. The world is a better place because of what he did and not because he saved our imaginary souls but because he set an example, he went and let the buggers do all that to him and he died with dignity. It was a human being standing up to hate and winning. Because he won, even in death. That's the point. That's his victory over death. He beat them. His Church outlived the Roman Empire. He won.

I was visibly shaking now.

Crushed: I know this is going to sound blasphemous, but I don't mean it to be. I envied him. I envied him. Not because he ended up being worshipped. And not because of the pain he suffered. But because he had guts. And I wish I had that. I wish I had the guts to go through what he did simply in the belief it would make the world a better place. But you see, I haven't got that guts. I haven't got the belief. I haven't got that belief to be hanging there dieing of asphyxiation and say 'Forgive them father, they know not what they do'. I haven't the guts to go through what he did, just in the hope it would achieve something.

I paused. I was overwhelmed. And then it hit me. The tears really were rolling down my cheeks.

Crushed: We're horrible to eachother. We were horrible to him. He said 'love eachother' and systems of hate were so frightened of that they tortured him and killed him by one of the most painful ways imaginable. And he still forgave them, forgave them all. It's about love. It's about- having his love. Why can't we?

D: It's your faith, I understand it means a lot to you.

I inhaled and exlaled. I rubbed my eyes.

Crushed: Because it's right. Heaven and Hell, Angels, Garden of Eden- that's all crap. But D, if you'd seen the shit I've seen. He was right. And if any man ever proved his point, he did. I envy his guts. There wasn't a man like him.



And I still pretty much hold that view.

Christ was the first true revolutionary.

And I think enlightened human beings should see him less as someTHING to worship and more someONE to admire.

We've gone wrong by kneeling before him, when really, we should be trying to emulate him.

He didn't redeem us, he showed us redemption. There's a difference.