Wednesday 22 August 2007

Home Alone- No Thanks

Living with other people can be a pain sometimes, but living on your own is pretty miserable.
We all sleep better knowing there's someone nearby, even if not in the same room.

Myself, I freely admit, I don't like being accountable to anyone. I do what I want, when I want.
But living on my own?
Not for me.

Living with other males, is a recipe for a general trend towards squalour and excess.
Living with a woman, creates a balanced existence.
I don't think women live well together either.

Problem is when the woman you live with, is also your girlfriend. There's just something about the sleeping together thing that makes living together hell.

So I live the perfect solution.
I have a female flatmate and there's never been anything sexual between us.

We got to know eachother intially because I WAS trying to bed her at that point, but something deeper and more important emerged.
A real friendship.
We didn't end up in bed, but we cried on eachother's shoulders.
We both had things to cry about.

And we ended up getting a flat together. We realised it would work.
And it does.
It's in my name, but she gives me slightly less than half the costs. I don't expect half, I have the advantage of having the place furnished to my liking, can decide what goes on the stereo and the TV. I earn slightly more as well, so it's only fair I put in more.

Fact is, I prefer company. I don't like being on my own for much over an hour. I get a bit nervy. I need someone to talk to.
I can only do solitude with the aid of the stereo.

I HATE Home alone.

She's the only person I've lived with, who hasn't had me yearning for some space.
She looks after me as well.
I never have the eternal laundry crises that seem to be a perpetual feature of males sans females.
She'll also tell me if I probably shouldn't do something.
She also puts up with a lot.
You have to be fairly broadminded to be in our living room at weekends.

She takes it all in her stride.

It's the little things as well, that shows she knows me.
Like this conversation, which took place on Sunday.

ME: I bought some fags earlier at Spar, you haven't seen them, have you?
HER: Did you buy anything else?
ME: Sausages, Eggs.
Her: did you put them in the fridge?
ME: Already checked.

Still no idea where they went.

She means a lot to me. Like a kind of sister.
And we don't even bicker about the bathroom!

So I was a little upset to come home and find her in tears yesterday.
She works for a pair of utter charlatans. Worse, their mentality towards women is fairly adolescent.
They think ringing her extension and asking her if she is in to back door action is amusing.
Not all day long it isn't.

The power of the payer.
Some abuse it.
These two scumbags make a good living out of a fairly dishonest, but just about legal operation and by exploiting their staff to a completely appalling degree.

But she daren't leave. She needs the money.
I took her out to calm her down a bit, hence the lack of blog visiting last night, I had already arranged to meet someone else later.

I'm quite angry with how people like this sleep at night.
She's looking for something else quick, she just can't take any more of it.
I admitted to her, I should have noticed weeks ago she was upset, but we haven't had too much of a chance to talk of late.

I did feel guilty, as if I'd not been there for her when she needed me. I haven't been.
I wish the Beatles were right, and we did have eight days a week. Then we'd have time. As long as the extra day wasn't another work day.

So over the bank holiday weekend, a little research in to possible job opportunities for my flatmate may be an idea.

I'll look after her while she's around.
I'll miss her when she goes.
As one day she will.


Anonymous said...

Theres loads of job search websites like Monster... depends where you are.

I am enjoying being on my own...

Anonymous said...

That's really sweet how to care for your friend. You have developed the kind of bond many successful relationships have. I must admit that the platonic male roommates in my past were much better than the female roommates. Less drama. Men really are less complicated than women, which is not to say that they are less complex.

I think the best thing for her is to ask friends, relatives, etc. if they know of openings in their company. Some great jobs are never advertised. Another possibility is

Wishing you both luck.

Anonymous said...

I totally know where you're coming from, I lived with two guys while I was in college, and there was a deep bond and sisterly/brotherly affection--once we got past the sexual tension (which is inevitable initially, and anyone is lying who says there isn' is just how we're wired). I loved my guys.

Anonymous said...

I talked to my sister in law on the phone the other day and she told me that her job, "was destroying my soul. I used to be such a happy person. Now I feel so tired to get up and go there every day"
She can't really quit because she is on an international posting - they've commited for 3 years.

I feel sorry for you flat mate. And for you having to find another one! Good luck

Anonymous said...

How lovely that you care so much. She ha a good friend in you, as you do her.

Friendship is not something I tke lightly. Many night say that about love, as I would. But friendship falls in the same realm.

You are lovely.

Anonymous said...

More than 385,000 Brits became long-term emigrants in 2006.
Ever consider going "Down Under", Mr Crushed? Or perhaps somewhere else with a decent climate and a better quality of life? Blighty is terminally fucked....

Anonymous said...

I can't do living alone. After a long day at work, putting up with the bitching and moaning, I just want to unwind. And an empty house/flat isn't a place for unwinding.

This is the first time I've lived in a singe sex house. But its working ok. Its also the longest I've lived anywhere since I've moved to Sydney.

The people I've lived with aren't people th t I shared an environment. They are a part of my life. Either currently, or in my past. They were good friends (with two clear exceptions) who I know I can contact out of the blue, and they will always have time for me.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like the perfect's good ot have close friends really close that you can lean on and that can lean on you back. That is so fucking pitiful of those assfucks to do that to her nonstop at work! Why cant people grow up!

Anonymous said...

wow, that is probably one of the sweetest declaration of friendship I've eva heard... maybe cuz it was the simple truth and came from the heart.

Anonymous said...

Mutley- I 've just been told that she had a talk with them today. Still, I think she can do a lot better.

Alexys- We are less complicated, but as you say, as complex. The difference is, men do the whole space sharing thing differently, because we think in pack terms (comunally) more naturally. Women of course, do the whole domestic planning thing better. I forget to stock the fridge. She always has a plan for dinner.

Helen- It was a little funny when we started bringing people back, but the ice was broken there quite quickly.
She is one of the only girls I know (the other is lesbian) with whom I can actually be honest about me and women.
This is because I don't have to hide from her the fact that my morals on that front are a little elastic.
And she still cares for me, in fact will connive at it.

Betty- She works for some utterly awful people.
Social parasites, in the true sense of the word.
She won't be going anywhere for a while yet.
She's sleeping with my best mate, so it just means he stays most weekends, and me him go clubbing together, while she goes out with her friends.

Suits everyone.

Inside Our Hands- In some ways, friendship is love, perhaps of a deeper kind, than any other.
True friends ARE for life. They are the people we trust implicitly.
Sex gets in the way of this in romantic love.

Jenny- She knows if there's something wrong with me, becuse usually I chat to her when I'm blogging. Not continuously, but on-off, we areat other ends of the flate, so it's a loud conversation.

Stan- When I'm old, Ireland seems appealing. It like to die in the land my blood was distilled.
Aus have a high entry requiremnt. I have nothing to offer, really.

I'll advise my grandchildren to become Martian colonists, if we've got there by then.

Phish- We have a flat rule- we never discuss work. That's why this was so serious. She was crying her eyes out as well.
When you live with someone, you see the bits they NEVER show anyone.
Like early morning in the kitchen in just underwear, drinking tea.
You have to be comfortable with someone to let them see you like that.

Anonymous said...

Crashie- Well yes, she is my mate as well. We often go out together like a couple would.
I've noticed, I've done posts now on two of my closest friends.
There are a couple more to come, in time.
My friends do mean the world to me. I work to have money enough to live and enjoy life.
But real enjoyment, depends on who you are with.

Anonymous said...

Your bog is much smarter than mine! Jenny liked mine though when I posted a pic of it so I'm happy.

Flatmates are interesting things - some work some don't and there's not always a reason why in either situation.

Anonymous said...

I'm such an antisocial bitch, I prefer my solitude...

Anonymous said...

What a fab post friendship is so important to us all.
I hate being home alone too but I have long week-ends with my boyfriend then home to my boys ,it works well and keeps us all happy.

Anonymous said...

There are some things you don't want to see. I used to live with a skank stripper who used to walk around the house in a g-string. I mean, c'mon. I have no interest in seeing that.

But it put our other roomie in a tough position too. He couldn't get that level of comfort you described around her.

Anonymous said...

Well, I'll admit I sleep easier if there's someone else here - but I have got Simi who will bark like hell if there is a strange noise! But I would, now, only want to live with a lover. I'm too used to my own space for anything else. But it sounds as if you've got the ideal solution there. What horrible people your flatmate works for. I hope she finds something else soon. Happy holiday weekend to you both.

Anonymous said...

Good post. Never thought about having a flatmate of the opposite sex. You have something very special, that not many people have (I did wish I could apply for the position, but am disqualified cos of being too messy ;-)). Hold on to it... while it lasts, as you say...:-)

Anonymous said...

Ed- Smart as in visually? I do redecorate a bit, though it was a while before I felt competant to do so.
It's actually a standard Blogger template- Crasie and Bag have the same one, but I'm a shameless purloiner of things I like on other blogs.
The Banner is the only thing I can really lay claim to having designed myself.

My flatmate is just pretty chilled, and I can trust her with my life.

Heart- I'm not a big one for solitude, though occasionally it's nice to just to let you mind wonder off into the realms of theory from time to time.
I prefer being able to share my thoughts, though.
And I like someone wih me if I'm watching the TV even, so can pass comment.

Sally- We have the ability to play music in most rooms here- I use Mdua Player when I'm on the PC. It helps if, like today, I'm at home alone.

Phish- It's nice when you get that level. You have to, for it to work. There can't be boundaries between flatmates.
There should be no tension in the home.

Welshcakes- It's good for me, because I'm hopeless at looking after myself. I'd skip meals, lose things, forget to put my shirts in the laundry, etc.
My flatmate knows I'm kind of like a big child in that way- no organisational skills whatsoever.
But we live in a lovely flat.

Thanks to her, mainly.

Eve- It's almost a symbiotic relationship, she looks after me, I look after her, in different ways.

Do you know, I always ask her if she thinks I should go out to the pub or get an early night?
i always follow her advice on that. It's like she knows what's best for my system than I do.