Tuesday 4 December 2007

Life, Love, Friends, Work and Blogging

Well, I've been blogging now for, well, ten months. Although it can't really be considered to have been particularly serious until March, maybe.

So. Where are we now?

Well, I think it's true to say that it does change your life. In my case, maybe that is coincident, but my life has certainly changed in huge ways, since I started this blog.

This time last year my knowledge of computers was poor- Word and Exell. I did use the internet, but not for anything over serious. It was a funny time in my life (well, I suppose all times are funny times, looking back on them), one in which I had absolutely no idea what I was doing with myself. I was walking slowly back up the slope from perdition and not sure if I could make it all the way.

To say life was empty was an understatement. When you have thrown your life and all it's opportunities away, coming to terms with that, is a hard fact. There was a sense in which nothing had overmuch purpose, to all intents and purposes I was the living dead, brought back to life on a Friday night.

But this year has been good to me. Good, because someone up there certainly seems to like me. Someone up there thinks I deserve a break, I think.

I suppose I didn't really have a definite plan when I started this blog, except that it killed off the boring hours. By this I mean the hours after you return from work, but you don't want to go out to the pub, because you can't go to work hung over every day. I've always liked to make between 9.30 and 10.00 meeting time in the pub, in spite of the fact others like to try and pull you forward to 8.00

I don't like TV, in fact I hate the medium, so putting on a CD and blogging was a nice way to spend the dull hours.

And since then, everything has subtly changed.

Back in March, I had the most tedious of jobs and too much time to think. Coming online and writing down some of my ideas on things was cathartic. God knows, I thought, it's the only time they ever will get written down.

And now, now everything is different.
The change began in earnest in July, when I applied for the sort of job I no longer held any real hope of getting, the sort of job I once would have aspired too, before I did a good job of cocking everything up.

And I got it.

At the same time, this blogging bug had definitely taken root. Here, Crushed could live my dreams for me, say the things I wanted to say, Crushed could be the voice of my conscience, whilst I sold my soul to the devil for a bonus cheque.

The perfect blend of happiness.

And there it is. A full and happy life. Get up, go to work, come home, visit blogs, have tea, do blogpost, go out.
What more do you want?

My time is 100% taken up. And that to me, is everything. Every angle of my life is fulfilled, pretty much.

Everyone should have a blog. Everyone should have that place where they can just be them. Enjoy your job, have great mates, have a blog.
That's all you need to be happy.

I'd like a dog, of course.
No one to mind him in the daytime mind, but it would be nice.

I think what it gives me is a GENUINE sense of fulfillment. With your job, there's always the guilt that you do it for the money, that there is no MORAL purpose to it. It's hardly a life cause. Of course, I enjoy it, and now I've got a job I can throw my all into, I'm much more contented. That sense of feeling you're on a mission, is about as rewarding as it gets.
But blogging completes that. Here, you are uncensored. Here, nothing matters but what you are trying to say, what you want to get across.

It is truly beautiful.

I'm trying to think if I've owned anything that I'm as fond of, or done anything I'm as proud of. I really don't think so, in either case.

If I was to get run over tomorrow, I guess I would like this blog to be my memorial. Maybe I'll insert a clause in my will, with the keys to this blog asking the executors to run a final post, showing my picture and real name, and Crushed 2007- whenever.

It has definitely become one of the three cornerstones of my life, the three things which, together completely fulfill me; Work, Friends, Blog.
I don't NEED anything else now.

And I guess I'll know when I've found Ms Right. Because she'll be fonder of Crushed than I am. She will fit seamlessly in to my life, happy that the three cornerstones listed above, will all of them, always, come first.

Well, there you go.
The path to happiness, discovered August 2007, by Crushed.

And long may it continue.


Anonymous said...

I've always wondered whether anyone would be able to get probate over my email account and persuade Google to give them the password. Perhaps putting into my will is the way forward.

Funny (or maybe not) how these things cross your mind...

Anonymous said...

I've been blogging for about a year and a half and I've grown very attached to what I've written. I've thought of moving my blog a hundred times but it wouldn't be the same. It wouldn't be *my* blog if I did.

I don't know if blogging has changed my life at all, I do know I wouldn't give it up. It's a place for me to express things I wouldn't normally express.

Whether it would be prioritised before a partner however is another thing. I like to think I'd be able to have both.

Anonymous said...

I think a blog is a conscience. A heart. A Soul. A moral compass. A laugh. A tear. Madness. Insanity. A smile. Blood. Guts. Sweat. Sanity. Genius. Magic. Words that intertwine and come together in perfect harmony. An energy that affects an energy force. Life. Love.

Anonymous said...

Goodness, what a positive post. Just a thought, but do you think it's to do with a change of attitude, that by have blogging as a means of expression, things don't seem so bad, and there's more focus?

This is my calling card or link"Whittereronautism"until blogger comments get themselves sorted out.

Anonymous said...

Love your picture of Nietzsche and the black girl. Most evocative.

Anonymous said...

I know "they" say you are not supposed to blog about blogging, but this is a great post Crushed and a very upbeat one. Very nice to see indeed.

Funny that we are all talking about a last post if we get run over by a bus. Welshcakes and I were discussing it yesterday. The "old scientist" can't even remember how to unlock my laptop let alone how to get into my blog. I've said I should leave instructions with my will, so that my blog acquaintances would know what happened to me. I'd like to know if anything happened to them instead of just wondering why they disappeared from cyberspace.

The path to happiness, discovered August 2007, by Crushed. And long may it continue.

Amen to that.

Anonymous said...

Ed- It occurred to me a couple of months ago. Yes, I would want it noted here, rather than this blog just sit, forever silent in cyberspace.

Oestrebunny- I've always kind of been a rebel without a cause, this blog satisfies that, it's my own little cause.
I like to think there are women out there intelligent enough to realise that no man worth anything at all, forsakes his cause.

It's finding the right partner, I guess. But push come to shove, I can live without a partner.

Alexys- Yes, I agree. Here we are our true selves.
It may well be one of the most positive things any of us does.

Maddy- I think it's that it makes me feel I'm doing something constructive. So much of what we do, even what we aspire to, is ultimately fairly pointless. OK, I'm not going to change the world, but at least I'm leaving some record somewhere of the bits of my existence that might serve some purpose, my thoughts.

James- Nietazche is the philosopher I most relate to, hence his position in the post.
Keisha Buchanan is there because, aesthetically, she is my ideal woman.

jmb- It's on autosave on this PC, so in the event of an emergency, my flatmate COULD post.

I think one has to try be upbeat- I think it's an important thing we are doing here in the bloggosphere, and it's only just begun.

Anonymous said...

Glad you like it all. A blog you should be proud of.

I think I'm really bollocksed career wise. I blew it all circa 2000.

Your freedom to put things right is a lot more restricted when you have children.

Anonymous said...

Yes, long may it continue indeed. I'm glad blogging has given you so much and I understand that. Now, don't go and get run over, Crushed!

Anonymous said...

How sweet I wish I could send you a weenie dog puppy for Christmas but I have already checked and customs says not so much! Sorry!

Anonymous said...

Lovely post, Crushed.
I like to see your ideas interspersed with personal touches such as this.

It still strikes me a little how much my decision to start writing my thoughts in such a forum has shaped me, allowed me to reflect, and given me something to look forward to on those too busy days.