Monday 3 December 2007

Blogging Identity and Boundaries



It's a funny medium, and it's still a young medium.
And hidden dangers lurk within.

One of the benefits is that it enables people to be a lot freer than in real life. Boundaries seem to come tumbling down here, people talk to people they maybe wouldn't talk to in real life, they read things they maybe wouldn't read, take an interest in things that they might not otherwise have thought about, and (often) flirt shamelessly, knowing it's not real, the chances of actually meeting those you flirt with are small.

It's several things rolled into one. It's thoughts we share primarily, so it's partly an interactive newspaper column, partly a public forum, partly a place to offload things you can't offload elsewhere.

And what makes this possible?
Ironically, a huge boundary.

The boundary between this and RL.
And unless this is maintained, there can be no bloggosphere.

This doesn't mean that bloggers cannot post about RL issues- I do, we all do.
What it does mean, is that the right of each of us to decide how much of RL we put into our online creations, our avatars is up to us. Or not.

And this needs to be respected, or the beauty of this medium is lost.

This isn't a chatroom, or a bar. There has to be a certain professionalism, a work ethic even. We need not only to keep our blogs free from RL issues, we have a moral obligation to treat others with the same courtesy.



Now here is where we come to grey areas. An e-mail sent to me, is sent in confidence. I cannot in all conscience reveal its contents on my blog. The same goes for an IM conversation. Strictly speaking, it shouldn't be alluded to, unless its content is threatening, in which case it should be done in a way that doesn't actually name the blogger.

The bottom line is, no matter what connections you might make with another blogger, even if you disappear off for a passionate weekend together in Barbados, when you return and you go online, you still have to treat them as an avatar- you logged in as an avatar, you are commenting at the blog of an avatar. Your real names are forgotten, anything the two of you said to eachother offline are forgotten. They didn't happen in the bloggosphere, therefore they didn't happen, period.

It is not acceptable to state publically anything the other person has not consented to being said online.

It is not acceptable to drag online RL facts about a blogger, that they have not consented to being brought online.

I'm not saying that bloggers cannot form friendships, maybe even more.
But if they do, they should keep them offline.
And if they fall out, that too, should stay offline.
Treat the bloggosphere as you would your workplace, in that sense.

And always observe the barriers people put around their online identities. Treat them as sacred.



And as for you, watch yourself. Take care of how much you trust others. I'm not saying you shouldn't, most people here are lovely people. But there are people who let personal emotions into a medium where they have no place. And if they feel for whatever reason you've treated them harshly offline, will bring it online.

You don't want to spend your online life seeing snide comments left after yours everywhere you go, by someone using your own blogroll to character assassinate you to your own readers.

Of course such behaviour is fundamentally wrong. But there are people who will degrade this medium in such a way. There are people who cannot see that it is in the same league as a jilted lover standing outside your place of work with a placard.

It's easier to deal with such issues in RL. If you don't want to hear from someone again, it's easily done. There's a limit to the harm they can do. Here, they can cause untold damage to something of immense value to you.

Nothing, and I mean nothing, not even the woman (or man)of your dreams, is worth jeopardising your blog over. Crossing that threshold into Real Life poses a real danger to something very precious to you. And it is precious- I know many of you treat your blogs with real love- I know I do.


Take care. Be warned.
Don't learn the hard way.

I should return to normal blog visiting again soon. Tomorrow or the day after, maybe. Right now I thought I'd go have a pint and try seduce the barmaid.

After all, that's partly what the pub is for.
The bloggosphere?
Something infinitely more precious.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Very sobering! Fortunately I don't think there's much likelihood of me even having the opportunity to muddle the two.
Cheers
Something peculiar has happened to blogger comments so just for now, this is my calling card "Whittereronautism"so we can find each other now that I have you on google reader.

Anonymous said...

great blog post ....

Anonymous said...

There's a lot of truth in that post. It is funny how much of yourself you feel you can reveal online without actually revealing yourself. You're protected by distance and anonymity. It's a good place to be.

Anonymous said...

yeah people used to keep asking for my photo. phone number even... obviously TOTALLY missing the point of my blog, I mean...

then again i know people who tell a LOT about themselves and pretty much if i went to their hometown i would know exactly where to find them ... bloody hell

there was a thing on radio the other day about personal networking sights // whatever they're called. Facebook Myspace etc etc I don't really get that. And Myspace isn't really a blog. It just looks like a leaflet to me with a few facts about a person on it. They never do docus on proper blogs though. I've noticed that. No idea why

Anonymous said...

and the barmaid isn't precious?

(sorry just trying to inject some humour)

I also agree that blog world needs to be protected.
I have met one other blogger in real life and we both just picked up the usual blog names and avatars back on line. THe way it should be....

You make good points crush.

Anonymous said...

Very good post.

It is funny how so much of this weird world we take part in is governed by unsaid rules.

It worries me that others don't abide by these rules.

Only two people I know from real life know that I have a blog... and to me, that means that they are now off-limits at any deeper level of discussion. I may mention doing something with my guy, a fellow blogger, but our issues are officially not be to aired in this realm since he has an ID here too.

Anonymous said...

It is certainly an interesting experience this blogging business. Some people do let it all hang out on their blogs and then others are more restrained and give nothing of their real life away.

Then I often wonder how much of it is true and how much is invented, or at least half invented in some cases.

I do think we have always to be aware of the fact that these are cyber-acquaintances and just that.

If they appear in our RL for a time that can be a bonus and when we do meet in RL, we have to remember that what was said then is not to be shared with others via our blogs.

Good post Crushed.

Anonymous said...

I think this is largely true - I for one like to keep my blogging life largely separated from normal real life. I have only met one other blogger and I actually knew him in a distant way before blogging. On top of that I know one other person who writes a blog from way before...

That said, did you remember to get the shopping and pay the council tax as I asked? I shall be home about six so I hope you will wait for me before popping down the pub..

Anonymous said...

Maddy- It's OK to cross the line, as long as RL people and avatars remain separate.
But yes, it is a real danger and you need to ask if it is worth the risk. Nothing you can gain from it is worth the worst that can happen.

Having said that, as long as the other party can observe boundaries, all is OK.

Sally- There are dangers, but it's a truly beautiful medium all the same.

Oestrebunny- Exactly. Sometimes, we write things because we CAN. We couldn't, if our identities were public. I couldn't.

Gledwood- It's possible to speak to other bloggers on the phone, as long as the fact the phone call has happened stays out of the bloggosphere. You spoke on the phone as people after all, here you are simply avatars.

And anything you heard in that phone call, has no place on the net.

Avoid Facebook. Peopl have been acked over it.

Betty- Precious, well, I'm glad we have such beauty in the world.

Your point is bang on. Yes, that IS how it should be. We all have moral obligations to defend the boundaries people put around their real life identity.

Princess P- I agree, in fact, it would demean your blog if your partner was to comment on your blog as your partner. That sort of thing is just tacky and nasty. It destroys the medium, turning into a chatroom.

I also don't like RL people reading this. Those who do are under extreme bonds of trust.

jmb- Mutley's blog is probably the most factual I know.

'If they appear in our RL for a time that can be a bonus and when we do meet in RL, we have to remember that what was said then is not to be shared with others via our blogs.'

This is true. Problem is when people allow their emotions to override that.

Mutley- You must have gone by the time I got home. I'll see you in the Morris Dancer's Arms later.

Anonymous said...

I wish I had started my blog anonymously. I fret that people who want to do me down will chance upon my blog. But it's too firmly rooted now to start over.

Anonymous said...

Excellent post, Crushed. You are right about it being a young merdium and so I suppose we are all still sorting out its rules. It is true that we "meet" people we wouldn't normally meet here and that we read things which we wouldn't read otherwise. You are absolutely right about keeping confidences. Hope you had a good time down the pub!

Anonymous said...

I never meant Mutley in my comment Crushed. I get Mutley.

I had in mind someone whose blog I read who is always looking for sympathy and stroking and has all these things which happen to her but sometimes I doubt.

There was an episode in the medblog world when I started out blogging of a teenager who was pretending to be a doctor and invented a whole personality as a pediatrician. Everyone felt really betrayed when she was found out.