Thursday 14 June 2007

Yes, This Conversation Did Take Place

I think we need a light hearted post tonight. So I'm going to share with you a conversation that took place at the weekend between myself and The Chimney Sweep.

The Chimney Sweep is one of the best you could hope for in a friend, he really is, but logic is not his strong point.
He tried to convince me that some stones about two miles from Coventry City Centre were part of the ancient city walls and defended this theory obstinately for about ten minutes before conceding it's unlikelihood.

But this little journey to reality is a Chimney Sweep classic. Since the conversation is fresh in my head, I would say you are reading it 95% as it actually happened. Apologies to believers in UFOs.

Chimney Sweep: I did think that I saw a UFO once.

Crushed by Ingsoc: I see. Why does that not surprise me? When ?

Chimney Sweep: When I was in Goa.

Crushed by Ingsoc: OK. The last two words there are kind of leading me to a theory already, but carry on.

Chimney Sweep: No, I know what you're going to say...

Crushed by Ingsoc: If you tell me you WEREN'T mashed, I will be less than convinced. Or was there a bloke stood behind you with a frisbee on the end of a fishing rod?

Chimney Sweep: (puzzled silence) I don't get that.

Crushed by Ingsoc: Never mind.

Chimney Sweep: It wasn't just me though, this lad, Brummie John, from Birmingham..

Crushed by Ingsoc: You shock me there, with a name like that, you'd have thought he was a Scouser...

Chimney Sweep: But he saw it too! We were on the beach at about three in the morning. The other lads didn't see it...

Crushed by Ingsoc: Because they were holding the fishing rod and laughing at you. Sorry, carry on.

Chimney Sweep: It was like a flashing light. And then it was gone.

Crushed by Ingsoc: OK. Let's look at the possibilities. a) Helicopter. b) Landing lights of Plane coming into Goa Airport. c) Craft from Outer Space. In terms of likelihood, what probability would you accord to each of those options?

Chimney Sweep: Ah but no, it was completely still! It was like a star, only bigger!

Crushed by Ingsoc: So, what you are saying, is that in a sky full of stars, you saw a star like object that didn't move. I think I might be able to explain your UFO...

Chimney Sweep: But then it disappeared!

Crushed by Ingsoc: Ever heard of clouds?

Chimney Sweep: But there were no clouds that night.

Crushed by Ingsoc: Can you be sure?

Chimney Sweep: Well, but it FLASHED, then it pulsated- then it was gone.

Crushed by Ingsoc: In which case, you are one of the few people lucky enough to have seen a supernova with the naked eye. Or a meteor.

Chimney Sweep: You think?

Crushed by Ingsoc: Look, one simple point, one I make to anyone who says they have seen a UFO. UFO means exactly that. Unidentified. Flying. Object. Just because something is in the sky and you can't work out what it is, doesn't mean it's from another world. Look at it logically, a lot of UFOs were reported in 1947, as saucer shapes. They were just American attempts to see if German blueprints for the saucer shaped V7 was any good. They weren't. In the sixties, true, lots of craft in the sky that defied the laws of flight as then known. But they weren't piloted by creatures from another world. They were early prototype Aurora stealth bombers.

Put it this way, no matter how strange the craft, we only KNOW for sure of one species in one world that has acheived aerodynamic flight. If any craft of any sort is seen in the skies of the home world of that species, do you not think it most likely that the pilots of such craft belong to that species?

Chimney Sweep: I guess so.

Crushed by Ingsoc: So, back to the begining. Do you actually think you saw a craft from another world?

Chimney Sweep: Well, now you put it that way, probably not.

If only the rest of the UFO nut community could see it that way...


Anonymous said...

I did think that I saw a UFO once.

Well he never said it came from another planet now did he... you attached that meaning ;)

Anonymous said...

LOL I think I saw a UFO once in New Mexico close to Roswell...

Anonymous said...

David- The lead into this conversation was a discussion myself and his sister were having about conspiracy theories and the relationship of sleep paralysis to alien abduction syndrome, at which point the Chimney Sweep wadwed in with his Goa story. I have omitted his sister's background giggling from the dialogue.

Poody- The sky is full of strange flashing things. It's just that most of us haven't a clue what they are. However, astronomers, who spend most of their time staring at the sky , account for a minisculr portion of 'UFO' sightings.

Anonymous said...

Lovely post. I've been giggling for a while now. The chimney Sweep sounds great.

Anonymous said...

He's one of the good guys, Welshcakes. He just has a habit of coming up with the most surreal conversations.
But he has a heart of gold.

Anonymous said...

This made me laugh!

Wish I could have been there to witness that conversation.