But why?
Well, it's one of two reasons. I'll let you guess.
Option One
For the first time in years, I have actually admitted defeat and conceded I am too ill to be at work. It's something I hate doing, because, well, I just do. It also completely defeats the purpose of me cancelling the two days holiday I had booked next week, because there was too much work to get done before Christmas.
So the post I had planned for tonight will be postponed, I will read all your excellent posts tomorrow, whilst tonight I curl up in my bed with a mug of Ovaltine and The Book of Lost Tales.
Option Two
I have actually decided to set up a cult. I am leaving tonight for the compound I am building in Burkina Faso, aided by the secret hoard of wealth I have accumulated from the throngs of vulnerable women I have been secretly targeting online as potential cult members.
The aims of the cult will be much the same as the ideals I promote here, but with a dark evil twist I have kept hidden from all of you, namely my desire to sit cross legged in the middle of a circle whilst naked females dance round me singing 'Power to the People' and Birmingham City Football songs.
I have decided to call this cult 'Crushed the Predator's Christiano-Marxist Secret Satanist Conspiracy'.
For more information please contact my henchman, Jim Jones, wherever he may have got to.
One of these really is true...
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14 comments:
Yup I like the idea of setting up a 'cult' in my 'spare time' - wish you better soon.
Cheers
This is my calling card or link"Whittereronautism"until blogger comments get themselves sorted out.
I know it's number one ( hope you feel better soon) but I think number two would be more fun!
You two! I thought you had kissed and made up.
Get well soon.
Hope you are feeling better, Crushed.
I echo jmb's comment here but I had to laugh at part two.
Get well soon then !!
;->...
You sound sick! I bet you are :-)
Well I would like to join your cult if I may - later we can split and have a series of public rows which we can use to lure more followers. I was looking at your photo - if you had a handle bar moustache you would look like an Inn keeper from Dickens or someone like that... quite cute though...
May I join you, Crushed? I'll be your most loyal accolyte.
Sign me up anything to upset the moral majority. Hey i posted a funny just for you today! Hope you are feeling better my friend!
Maddy- I'd love to HAVE the spare time to do it in.
Comments are going funny aren't they? I wrote replies to every comment on a post the other day, only to have Blogger lose the lot.
Betty- I slept most of today, but should be OK to go in tomorrow.
A cult could be fun, I suppose. Now I think more about it, maybe I SHOULD set one up...
jmb- So did I.
I am feeling a bit better, I've been pottering about the flat this afternoon and should be in work tomorrow.
Welshcakes- Believe it or not, it had me laughing after I'd written it, till it sent me into a coughing fit.
Gledwood- The Hot drinks and toast seem to be working, smoking isn't.
But I really have to work tomorrow.
Eve- Yesterday, I was quite delirious at one point. I didn't sleep well last night, until about six.
Mutley- Of course Mutley. And the public rows idea is excellent.
If I am an innkeeper from Dickens, doesn't that mean that by improbable plot twist I will end being revealed as Electro-Kevin's father in the final chapter?
James- Of course. You can write the scripts for the speeches. Your knowledge of cult dynamics is superior to mine, so I'll leave the organisation to you ;)
I want to join the cult BUT u have to base it in east africa not west africa and allow me to wear my jeans!
I will go with option 3.
By that I mean that I think you are planning to visit every pub around the world and sample the lager - - or the barmaids.
I'm right aren't I?
I'm sad you didn't even try to recruit me to your cult.
*must work harder at appearing vulnerable*
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